Episode Transcript
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Hi, this is Rachel and Recovery. We've got a special guest, Ashley
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Easter, and she's going to tell
us a little bit about herself and then
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she we're gonna ask her some questions. Hey everyone, I'm Ashley Easter.
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Thank you so much for having me
on the show today. I really appreciate
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it. Um, so tell us
a little about yourself. Yeah. So,
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I am a cult survivor and um, I've been out since twenty two.
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It's actually my husband who rescued me. So I'm happily married. Um,
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and we are living in North Carolina
where in the process of building,
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uh well, renovating a home.
And uh yeah. So I am an
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intuition coach. I'm a nonprofit founder
for an organization called Courage three sixty five
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and we focus on empowering survivors of
abuse and then with my intuition work,
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I focus on helping people make decisions
based on intuition versus fear or ego.
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Fair enough, Um, we we're
gonna jump into the questions, Um,
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what things have we done to recover
from cult abuse? You know, one
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of the best things for me has
been therapy. I love um recommending therapy.
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I know that there's many different types
UM, and there's so many different
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ones to explore. But therapy for
me has been huge. It's been a
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safe space to be able to talk
about what happened and then also receive UM
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tools that can help with trauma.
Really researching and understanding how trauma affects the
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body, whether that's to what I've
learned in my therapy sessions or my research
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otherwise. That's been so powerful in
my recovery because when you don't understand trauma,
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you can begin to think, oh, my gosh, something's wrong with
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me, when in fact, the
truth is your body is responding exactly as
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it should be in a traumatic situation
because it's always trying to protect you.
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UM. Something else that has been
super helpful is finding supportive community. So
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when you leave a toxic environment,
UM, there's this UM, there's this
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huge loss. And one of the
draws to cults and to high demand religions
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is that sense of belonging and being
in community. And of course these communities
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UM that are cults become toxic and
it's an unhealthy form of community. But
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as humans, we really have evolved
to need community. So one of the
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biggest things that's helped me is seeking
out chosen family, seeking out friends and
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supporters both online and in person,
to really gain a sense of healthy community
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and connection to heal those parts of
me and kind of UM give new memories
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to have the old memories I had
about community. UM. What has been
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the most helpful, UM, the
most helpful in what part, like in
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your recovery outside of therapy or like, was there a specific type of therapy
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like E N D R or something
to that effect, right, So you
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know, I think I think one
of the most helpful things for me is
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has been finding my person, and
for me that's my husband. There's UM
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a lot of ways to do that. So you could have a good friend
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or family member, but having the
therapy is so important. Having broad community,
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but then having that one person in
your life that always supports you,
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always has your back, and UM
really can be that safe place and sounding
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board, that person who UM knows
that you're working hard to deal with your
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trauma and also that triggers will pop
up and they're not offended by those,
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They understand those and you can work
through those together. And like I said,
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for me, that's my husband.
But I think that has been one
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of the most powerful things, UM, to be able to be in relationship
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with somebody where I can kind of
work out what I've learned in therapy,
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and a relationship with somebody who's supportive, understanding, and um, really has
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my good and mind. Um,
this was going to be a probably a
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tough one for you. How did
your family respond? You know, they
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were mixed reactions. So when I
left the cult, UM, my uncle
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and aunt and cousins, they were
very supportive of me. UM my mom's
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brother because they had seen a lot
of the things that I had seen,
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and they were already a bit distance
from the family. It was mainly just
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um holidays versus like day and day
out kind of stuff and UM, so
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we gained a lot of closeness and
that was such a beautiful thing. And
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me being younger about my uncle being
older and having seen some of the same
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stuff and not haven't been able to
talk about it or not really you know,
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not really being able to express that. And then the two of us
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connecting that was so powerful and really
healing. But as far as my parents
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and my siblings, my grandparents,
I'm really not in touch with them and
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I haven't been for many years.
You know, sometimes people are shunned and
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other times, like in my case, there was sort of a line in
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the sand moment where I realized,
you know, you either need to support
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me in my recovery journey from all
of this, or I can't have view
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in my life because you're constantly trying
to pull me back into these toxic ideologies.
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And so for me, it was
kind of like you either need to
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support me or or not. And
there were things that were sent around,
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emails that were sent around about harsh
she has removed herself from the family.
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And this was even before I kind
of drew that line in the sand,
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So it was sort of a both
and situation of them saying she's removed herself
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from the family, and then me
actually mean like, oh, that's how
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you see this, and then after
that me being like, you know what,
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I don't think this is salvageable.
This is the line of the sand.
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And yeah, so it's it's painful, it's difficult, but what I
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can say is it gets so much
easier. Um, the longer you're out
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and the more you create a supportive
community around you. Fair enough, Um,
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how did your community respond? Oh, that was sort of a mixed
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bag. So people who had already
left the community or thinking about leaving,
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I think they were grateful that I
was starting to talk about what had happened
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to me, because they had had
some more things happen. But the ones
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you decided to stay were very protectionistic, very dismissive. Um. I definitely
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got messages and comments and um,
interactions that were not pleasant at all.
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Um. And it was very difficult
because this was pretty much the only community
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that I knew, and I was
having to start from scratch. So the
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loss of my closest family, the
loss of my community except for a few
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people that had already left. Um, yeah, it was like starting over
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again. Was there any re victimization
or victim blaming? Oh of course,
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yes, of course. UM,
that's certainly shows up, Um, whether
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it's in you know, she should
just get over this, and even if
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something happened to her, you know, she should just not talk about it.
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Um, let it go. Those
types of things too. Oh,
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she must be lying about her experience, um to just you know, Um,
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well, you know this this is
something she should have not ever put
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herself in these positions or something like
that where it wasn't my fault, but
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people tried to make things my fault. That happens more times than not,
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and actually probably majority of the time. UM, how has this impacted your
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career? UM? Well, before
I was in nanny and UM, I
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decided that UM, nanny ing wasn't
for me. There was very few types
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of roles that were acceptable for women
in this very patre racal environment. And
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so when I broke free, I
realized that I could, you know,
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have freedom to choose what I wanted
to choose. And UM, you know,
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it wasn't. It was one of
those things where I first felt drawn
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to creating a nonprofit UM Like,
we didn't even call them nonprofit at first.
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It was more just there was a
need for survivors and I felt like
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I needed to fill that need.
And so I guess that affected me and
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just having empathy for others and really
realizing we need to create something and try
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to help people. And then sort
of on the back end, you know,
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you look at it and it it's
turned into a career, but on
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the front end, you're just looking
at it, like, how can I
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help people? Like this can't keep
happening and we we've got to talk about
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this and have safe community together.
Okay, Um, well, speaking of
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your nonprofit, let's tell us about
Courage three. Yeah. So, after
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I left the cult, I began
um talking and writing about some of the
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things I had experienced, and I
had hundreds of people reaching out to me
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telling me they'd had very similar experiences, particularly in faith environments, and UM,
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they all felt alone and isolated.
But I knew they weren't alone because
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hundreds of people were telling me such
similar things. So I felt my intuition
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calling me to start an event,
and UM we called it the Courage Conference,
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and we had um a sold out
event the first year. There was
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a hundred and twenty people in person
and eighty people streaming live online, and
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we all got into this space where
we felt connected to each other and not
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as alone. And for some people
it was the first time they talked about
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their story or been in community with
other survivors. And then we had these
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amazing speakers who were either sort I
were sharing their stories, or mental health
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professionals or legal experts and people who
had triumphed and really developed these healing tolls
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for themselves. And that continued to
happen year after year until we decided to
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create a nonprofit and UM that nonprofit
is called Courage three sixty five and what
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we've been doing, like from the
very beginning, is trying to create community
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and education for people after they've left
abuse. So UM some of the ways
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we do that is we have a
lot of online free resources on our website
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Courage three sixty dot org. You
can download e books and Courage cards that
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have UM ways to reduce trauma triggers
when they're flaring up. We have tons
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of videos and podcasts UM of survivors
sharing their stories or sharing their healing journeys
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UM with the Courage Conversation out and
UM we have a text messaging list where
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survivors can join the text messaging list
and get empowering messages every day. And
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then what I'm most excited about what
is coming up and really soon actually October
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one through the US, we have
a Facebook group where we have speakers very
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similar to that first Courage conference,
but on an online format so we can
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reach more people and we don't have
any COVID concerns. And UH so we
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have people like Noamy Aube who is
on the Hillsong documentary on Discovery Plus.
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She's talking about Escaping a Cult.
We have Sarah Scott, who is a
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Hollywood actress and intimacy coordinator. In
the past, we've had Leah Remany from
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Scientology in the Aftermath, and other
survivors who um experienced abuse from Harvey Weinstein
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or Bill Cosby. And we have
this mix of people who are focused on
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sharing what they've learned and how they've
been able to move forward and healing.
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And so we do that inside that
Facebook group for the thirty days, and
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we have self care challenges and prizes
and pure support groups and so it's just
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developed into this supportive online community for
survivors where we educate and create supportive community.
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That's awesome. UM, I know
you've written a couple of books and
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you've written, You've done some producing, have some series. Yeah, so
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I Um, I am a TV
producer. I have um projects kind of
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in the works and working with other
producers on things. So I can't talk
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about that too much right now,
but exciting things I really care about,
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talking about stories of meaning. And
then, um, I have a couple
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of books. So why is called
the Courage Coach? A practical, friendly
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guide on how to heal from abuse? And it's really just those first few
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steps of recognizing what is abuse and
what is therapy, what is PTSD,
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how can I get connected to resources? And then um, I have a
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free e book called UM Cults Hidden
in Plain Sight, How to Spot Them
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and how to Break Free? And
it's a it's a mini e books.
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It's very short, but it tells
you what to look out for in cults
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so you can evaluate the situation you're
in and then how to move forward into
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safety and healing. And those are
on my website, Ashley Easter dot com.
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And then the Courage three information is
that Courage three dot org. Okay,
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um, how do you cope with
the triggers of working in that environment?
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You know? I think it's one
of those things where you just have
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to pay very close attention to your
body. You have to be aware of
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what your limitations are. And um, I think we all want to help
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people, but a big part of
what I believe about advocacy work is that
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we all need to stay in our
own lanes. So I'm not a therapist,
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so I don't pretend to be a
therapist. UM. I am not
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the police or a lawyers, so
I don't pretend to have those jobs.
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But what I do offer is support
and education and creating these materials for people,
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um to be able to live with
courage every day. And so I
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think a lot of it is just
knowing what what my role is and being
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very clear about that. But then
you know, secondly, like we can't
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always know when a trigger is going
to pop up. Um, we can
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stay in our lane and we can
I know. I've done this work for
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years and so it gets easier with
time. But every once in a while
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there'll be something that pops up and
it's triggering to me. And in those
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moments, I just have to go
back to my tools, the same tools
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that I offer to the clients of
my nonprofit of how to regulate your body,
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how to take care of yourself,
and um, when to kind of
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realize your limits of what you can
and cannot do in certain moments, and
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and went to delegate and murfer out, Um, how has this impacted your
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dating life? Well, Grant asan
the cult, we practice something called courtship.
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So dating is kind of the traditional
thing that people think of where a
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man and woman or a man and
man and woman and woman, whatever your
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preferences are, they decide Ethan when
they date, how fast slow that relationship
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goes even when they get married,
and it's all really up to the couple.
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You know, they are maybe particularly
in the South, like uh,
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emphasis on getting like maybe the father
or mother's blessing. But at the end
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of the day, the couple decides. UM. In the cult, that
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wasn't exactly that way. There was
a lot of parental influence and power and
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control in the situation. And so
I had experienced some abuse in a courtship
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relationship. And when I started breaking
free ideologically, I started sneaking out on
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dates, doing my own thing.
And that's when I met my husband and
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UM, he was actually the one
who I had been changing ideologically from the
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cult mindset. But I didn't have
a good way to escape until we got
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married. And so UM gives a
new meaning to get away car at the
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wedding. But it's it's been amazing. I don't regret it. And my
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advice is usual intuition when you're dating, when you're choosing a partner, UM,
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don't let fear or go or other
people's expectations of who should be with
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UM make those decisions for you.
Really trust your gut on that and when
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you do, you will not be
sorry. It's been the best decision in
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my life. Okay, Um,
how has this impacted your marriage? I
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mean there's probably some leftover trauma there, sure, So one thing that I've
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realized for myself is that my trauma
and my triggers are mine. And I
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try to be very clear with my
husband when I'm experiencing a trigger, and
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try to be very clear about things
that trigger me. And I also try
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to be very persistent at working on
my healing, going to therapy using these
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tools. So when triggers pop up, um, it's not that they don't
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exist, and they were a lot
you know, there was a lot more
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of them popping up earlier in our
relationship and marriage. But what I always
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did was I, after I,
you know, calmed my body down,
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I would say, hey, you
know, in that moment, that wasn't
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you, that was me dealing with
a trauma trigger. And this is why
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I was feeling this way, And
this is the thing that came up for
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me. And my husband is very
um, empathetic and understanding, and he
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he also wants to do the work
of understanding trauma and so us being very
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open and communicative about that allowed him
to not take things as a slight against
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him and allowed me to, um, know that he was going to be
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a safe place if trauma triggers came
up. So um, yes, they
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did come up. They still come
up on occasion, but they've lessened over
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the years because I've done so much
work on myself. But for me,
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the biggest tool here was communication between
us, always assuming the best of the
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other person because we're safe people.
You can't always do that if you're in
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a bad relationship, but in a
good relationship, assuming that the other person
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had good intentions, and then me
taking charge of my own recovery and consistently
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doing the work. Fair enough.
Um, how has this affected your parenting
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or have you gotten to that point
yet? We do not have children?
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Fair enough? Um hm, how
has this impacted your overall health long term?
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You know I have an autoimmune disorder. Um. I've been diagnosed with
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post traumatic stress disorder, anxiety and
depression. UM and uh. I really
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do think from the research and what
I've been told by therapists and doctors that
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those things are connected to the body
experiencing trauma and so um, yes,
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that is a struggle for me and
to be completely honest. I took an
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afternoon nap today because my anxiety was
up and I wasn't feeling good, and
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so yes, it absolutely has affected
my health. UM and uh yeah,
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I just try to try to be
gentle with myself and realize that again,
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this is my body doing its best
after it's experienced something really terrible, and
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so when it's um quote unquote acting
up, it's trying to tell me,
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you know that I need to to
pay attention and look within and asked my
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intuition, you know what could be
triggering this? What does my body need
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right now? Um? How has
this impacted your social life? UM?
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I would say I'm have always been
a very social person, and it's certainly
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impacted my social life in the beginning
because I lost my whole social community.
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But I've been very diligent at working
to grow my social community, and I
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put people in different category. So
I have people like my husband, he's
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he's the closest person to me that
I really allowed to see all of me.
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And then I have my best friends
and I have just a handful of
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those, and then I have good
friends, and then I have acquaintances,
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and then I have colleagues and UM, you know people I just run into
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online, but I'm I'm constantly looking
for ways to connect with other people.
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Maybe that's because I have an extrovert, but UM yeah, I love connecting
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with other people, and there certainly
was an uphill battle to restore social connection
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after leaving the cult. M hm
Um, how has this affected your long
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term mental health? Um? Like
I said, I have PTSD, anxiety
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and depression. So those um are
present still in my life and unfortunately,
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UM, those things, along with
my autoimmune disorder, do act up and
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I do experience them. Um.
And so it's kind of one of those
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things where I've had to realize that
there are things that I can do to
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try to reduce these things, and
I'm always trying to learn about the newest
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treatments and those sorts of things.
But that, UM, right now,
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this is a part of my existence, a part of my experience, and
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that I need to account for those
when I'm making plans and deciding what I
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want to do next in my life. Okay, UM, two other victims
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out there, what advice would you
want to give them? There's so much
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advice that could be given, But
I think number one, you're not alone,
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it's not your fault. And after
the other things like find community and
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get therapy if at all possible,
I would say, you get to decide
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who you want to be now.
Maybe in the past you didn't have the
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opportunity, Maybe you weren't allowed to
decide who you wanted to be as a
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person because of your environment, because
of abuse, because of then of a
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relationship. But now it's a fresh
start. You can be whoever you want
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to be. You um literally can
rewire your brain. You can um study
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the things you want to study.
Now you can create the fun and joy
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in your life. And I would
say, aside from all the typical things,
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UM, yeah, it's just recreate
yourself as many times as you want.
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You get to choose who you get
to be now. Okay um,
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what was the grooming process like for
me? I was born into it so
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um being born into a cult,
I would say that there was like a
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huge grooming process outside of just being
consistently indoctrinated as a FILD. But this
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UM, my parents, my grandparents
were were in this UM movement, and
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so it was something that UM I
just was always around from the time I
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was an infant. Okay um how
has this impacted your faith? Well,
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I've gone through a lot of different
transitions. So I came from a very
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extremist um Christian ideology. I then
went to uh, even jelical like mainstream
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Christianity. From there I went to
progressive Christianity. And I would say,
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now, Um, I appreciate Jesus
and I think that there's a lot that
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can be learned from love your neighbor
and things such as that. But I
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wouldn't say that I could confine my
spirituality to a religion. Um. I
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love the study of quantum physics,
and I really feel like spirituality and science
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are the same thing. We just
use different language, and sometimes that spiritual
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language is more fun. So I
love learning about quantum physics and the energy
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of everything that is. I love
learning about manifestation and the laws of the
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universe UM, and sociology and biology
and all of those things. I think,
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Um, we can look at everything
from a spiritual lens and see things
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in an expanse of view. I
would say my core beliefs are UM,
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that we should always be leaning into
love and expansion. Okay, Um,
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is there anything else you would like
to add? Yeah, so I really
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appreciate this opportunity and UM, if
anybody would like to join our event.
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00:26:59.720 --> 00:27:03.319
UM. It's happening through the month
of October, the first of thety You
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00:27:03.319 --> 00:27:07.759
can join at any time, UM, and we'll have those powerful speakers,
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00:27:07.799 --> 00:27:15.599
those self care challenges, those prizes
that we're giving away, and UM support
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00:27:15.680 --> 00:27:19.920
groups all inside of our Facebook group. It's totally completely free. It's called
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the Thirty Days of Courage and to
join that, UM, you can search
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00:27:25.799 --> 00:27:29.039
for us on Facebook, but I
think the best way to find the link
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00:27:29.200 --> 00:27:34.200
and to see all the speakers and
details is to go to Courage three dot
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00:27:34.319 --> 00:27:41.559
org. Slash the word thirty.
So that's Courage three five dot org slash
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00:27:41.039 --> 00:27:49.400
the word thirty. Okay, um
m hmm. Thank you Ashley for coming
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up on the show and telling us
about your experience, UM surviving getting out
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00:27:53.559 --> 00:28:00.359
of a cult and UM. Thanks
guys for listening to Rachel and Recovery.
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00:28:00.400 --> 00:28:04.319
We'll be back on Thursday at ten
am. Thanks for listening. I always
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00:28:04.359 --> 00:28:08.839
follow us on your favorite podcast,
social media platform or all. If you
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00:28:08.880 --> 00:28:11.720
have any questions I want to reach
out, always go to Rachel and Recovery
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00:28:11.759 --> 00:28:12.519
dot com. Thanks
