Episode Transcript
Hi, this is Rachel on recovery. We're here with Allison, and she's going to tell us a little bit about herself and then we're going to answer some questions for us. Hi, everybody. My name is Allison Faye. I serve as the director of the Jacob Wetterling Resource Center. We're a program of 0 abuse project. We're in Minnesota. Most of my work involves prevention. I do some, I do response work as well with families of missing people and families of those who've been exploited, especially online. That a big part of my work is doing work in the schools, with survivors, with parents, with professionals getting ahead of the problem of child abuse, who want to eradicate child abuse. And so that's a big part of where my energy and my investment lie.
Okay.
Well, how did you get in this into this type of work?
It's it's a it's a it's one of those stories where everybody has their reason. And my reason started when I was in 6th grade. The boy who sat next to a math class was abducted by a non family member. The cases that are the rarest, we have about 100 and five of those in the United States every year. It's 105 too many. Very, very rare. And he was with his brother and his best friend when he was taken. It's the person of our agency is named after Jacob Wederling and so. In 6th grade he was taken and different people handle trauma in different ways. For me, I was the kid at the Public Library in 6th grade being like, where are your books on sex offenders? Like where are your books on abduction? A librarian was like if a parent permission slip. I don't know how to navigate this with you, but those are the days of like the card catalogs with like and I was like okay, this is my section and I would just check out and the more that I read about it, the less freaked out I got. Like for a lot of people the opposite but like. The more I read, the the more I realized we could get ahead of this problem. Jacob's parents were very involved in our community as community leaders. Jacob's mom was the president of the PTA when he was taken. Jacob's dad was the president of the NAACP of Central Minnesota. So they're very good at getting people involved and coordinated. And right away, as a kid, I felt like my voice mattered. I felt like I was valued and and did what I could as a kid for. To help raise awareness about Jacob's case. And so the more that I did that, the more that I felt called to do that work. And then I'm sure as in in other folks lived experience here that as soon as you tell people, oh, that's what I'm really interested and passionate about. You then hear survivor stories everywhere you go. And and realizing that that's this tip of the iceberg is is my friend's story. And then oh let's look at all the people who are suspects in our small town when this happened that we had no idea. All this stuff was going on, you know, and so very quickly as a kid, sort of knowing that this is the tip of the iceberg, but there are a lot, there's a lot of sexual harm out there and there were a lot of suspects and there were a lot of, you know, Jerry and Patty were
asked, is there anyone who liked Jacob too much? Right. And so that idea of like, who, who are interacting with us as kids. Anyway, so I, I, I was passionate about that work I did my undergrad at Saint Olaf College, which is a real place. Some people just know it from the Betty White. References in the Golden Golden Girls May she may she rests in peace. Dear Betty one of the writers of the show was went to the to our like the college across the the river that has a little friction with the so anyway made Sanel of sort of as the as the ongoing joke but Sanel it's the real place in Northfield MN. You could design your own major So I majored in missing kids for my undergrad as well as theater communication which you get a little bit of my theater selfcare stuff. Coming through, he's theater to balance my personality. So I I did that for undergrad. I went and worked at the National Center for Missing Children right out of college and then came back to take a Butterling Resource Center in 2001. I've been there ever since I got my master's 10 years into the field in at Saint Cloud State studying sex crimes and criminal justice. And so it's it's been an honor to be. One of those people who've been able to sort of get a nonprofit for a long trajectory and see all the ups and downs and ins and outs and and ended. And to just know that and to see how far we've come, right? To see the hope that wasn't there. And to see places that are hopeful and to do my best to live into that hope. Most definitely.
How did you
tell us a little bit about the Jacob? Wetterlings Resource Center. Yeah, so we basically when Jacob was taken in 1989, donation started flooding in to both help find Jacob, help find missing kids and to help prevent this from happening. So Patty and Jerry talk about sort of the the trauma of having to start a business while the worst thing in your life is happening, like trying to get a 501C3 and a board of directors and to make sure that this money is well handled. While chaos is happening. So Patty, you know it's it's that idea of legacy nonprofits could be really exhausting when you're trying to also advocate for your family members. So it was we Jacob was taken October of 89. Jacob Wederling Resource Center was founded in February of that year. Jacob's birthday was February 17th to sort of use that as our sort of born date in 1990. And we've been different names over the years. It started as friends of Jacob. Later it was changed to Jacob Waterling Foundation. The people thought because we're a foundation, we gave out money. So we changed it to Jacob Waterling Resource Center that were resource families. And the two big programs that our agency has been known for since 1990 are advocating for families, the missing and preventing crimes from happening to kids. And proud to say those are still the two things that we do. All day every day we we work to raise awareness of missing people especially in in most recent years with a a focus on people who are underserved. Otherwise people aren't aware. So working with collaborating with with groups and making sure that we're trying to be as equitable as we can and and to make sure that every all missing people are getting the awareness that they deserve. And in addition to doing that, letting survivor voices guide the work that we do. We do an annual retreat every November for families of missing and murdered people in Minnesota who've had peace in Minnesota that so they can be in a room together and say I get it and I know what you went through and have you thought of trying this. And so they have other people who've who they can have that support from that lived wisdom and and we take. The wisdom from our family gathering and make sure that it permeates into
everything that we do when we serve people who call our hotline. So we do that component of the work and then we do a lot of prevention and we have a a program for elementary school kids called Empower Me. That's a body safety curriculum we that's used in in multiple states. We do healthy relationships training, Internet safety training, middle schools and high schools. We did, you know smart not scared how to. Things to be aware of as as a teenager when it comes to body safety and online safety, we do tons of training for parents. I just yesterday was a parent with parents of three and four year olds. You know, how do you talk about body safety with kids without scaring them to death and how can we make this a positive, proactive, ongoing conversation? And so I love being able to train parents on online and body safety and then we do trainings for professionals as well. Everything from the dynamics of sextortion and sexting. To learning from the past of missing children cases but has worked hasn't worked and my personal passions as a theater person is training dance companies and training theater companies. We have noticed that there's a huge void with with those two communities in the sense that like if you're kiddos and soccer they they usually have like policies procedures and overarching especially if they're in the Olympic system. You know this is the policy that all the clubs need to live by but with. Dance companies and theater companies, there's not like an overarching here are your must haves. It's kind of each group does their own thing and we see where arts communities can be hugely helpful and hugely a safe space for a lot of kids who who need a place to grow and thrive. And then we also see the flip side where that's the place where kids are exploited. So I just have a personal passion of training dance companies and theater companies to better just to be better. Allies in We're knowing that you're going to be having kids come through your door and and
do you know the warning signs, you know what to do when you see the warning signs and how can we proactively prevent people with bad intentions from interacting with our kids. Yeah, that's super important
that's that's huge. And it's so I'm a parent and my kiddo. When she was four, she was asking if she could do dance. And I said yes. As soon as I find a dance company that trains and screens their staff, let's do it. That's that's what you want to do. Let's do it. And 30 calls later, you know, I'm calling dance companies and I'm saying, do you do any training or screening for your staff? And it was I would get responses of, well, we just don't hire sex offenders. So no, we don't do it. And I was like, you know, OK, I'm banging my head against the wall. And then I had a call from someone and they said, well, our dance company's a family. Like, we're just a family. We. You know, we've known these kids since they were four and now they're teachers who are going to train your screen. Just one big family here. And of course my like red flags when I hear like we're just one big family. I'm like as opposed to someone who doesn't work in the field who that might be a positive and I'm like, well, who's calling out problematic behavior in your family then, you know, like if you have a. So it was after trying about 30 different calls a a good friend of mine. Her kiddos study somewhere nearby and and she just reached out to the leadership and said hey this is really important to me. Can your staff get trained? And they said absolutely. That's why I was able to train their staff Super Bowl Sunday. I remember being like do dance teachers not care about the Super Bowl. Apparently that wasn't a thing that was the conflict they were worried about but training them all at Super Bowl Sunday and then feeling comfortable with my kiddo being able to attend there. But it's just it's that idea of that's when I realized what a big. Gap it is because when my kid wanted to do soccer, they're like Yep, here are rules, here are policies, here we do training for you know it was a very different because I'm the person asking the questions like I'm the I'm the person at the daycare visits who's like I would love
to see your packet of policies And so the just the big difference between sports and the arts as a parent was was really concerning me. So it's just a passion project that. We do and and got a grant to to train a lot of dance companies and theater companies continue to do that and continue to be said by that work.
Yeah I I was in the arts but I don't well I mean it's also been 20 years things have changed. Well in Minnesota has a very high profile case the the children's theater Minnesota which is one of the world's best productions of places that do productions for kids. Yeah, the history from the 70s and 80s of hiring a prolific sex offender where the board knew that he had this history and had been kicked out of work in public schools and they're they're like, Oh well we're still going to have him run this theater. We'll just watch him around the kids, which did not was not effective and and there are multiple people in that. I was just reading the book Shattered by. Laura Stearns, I hope I have her last name right. I'll I'll have to double check later. But a kid who's now an adult who grew up in that toxic environment, multiple adults were arrested along with Donahue when when all the abuse was uncovered because he just created a culture where abuse was a part of of that expectation. And and being a Minnesotan kid seeing that I'll play out from a very like disconnected way. And and having parents be like we can't get rid of them because the shows are so good and it's like he also needs to serve a lot of time for the harm that he inflicted on many, many, many kids. So it's just it's we have that history and you'd think that we would learn and and learn from the history. And there are folks who have learned from the history and are very proactive and we have a lot of survivors who are involved in the arts where that is a huge priority. I never want to paint anything with one big brush but just when we look at. Communities
in general we we know that there's a that that faith communities are realizing that they're targeted and and need to approach that that you know culturally like gymnastics like there there are other USA Swimming. There are other groups that have been in the spotlight of there are problems in the system and I wish that more arts communities would get engaged in prevention before having to be in the spotlight with there being a problem. Ohh yeah, I mean.
Anywhere there's kids, there's Predator. Yeah. Or at least trying to get in. Yeah. And I was a kiddo who loved who musical theater was my escapism. It was my safe place. It was my place where I learned about community and hard work. And I had wonderful, wonderful experiences in the theater. But I have friends of mine who did not have wonderful, wonderful experiences in the theater. And part of that desire to protect is I want. This generation of kids have really positive experiences. It's it's that idea of you want to be the adult that you wish you had as a kid, right. Like, I don't know if you see that meme but then it's also the well, we want to create communities that we wish that we had as kids and I'm really grateful. I had wonderful communities to grow up in as a kid but not everybody did. There were I mean. There are, there are also things that weren't awesome that thankfully weren't abusive. But we're problematic and it's just like okay. We can we can do better and and we and we can continue to better anytime. We're involved in youth serving organizations. I don't have it figured out. I've made mistakes, but safety should always be the first question.
What are some new things that are coming out, coming in curriculum that are surprising? Well, I guess the sextortion cases, the amount of sextortion that is happening and how it's happening is something that I wasn't necessarily prepared for until the phone started ringing about it. We, the Minnesota BCA just did a press conference about it, I want to say in April. But it's actually it's so sextortion is is originally it was related to sexual abuse in the sense of. Getting a photo from a kid that is sexual abuse material and then saying, OK, if you don't give me $500, I'm going to send it to this person or put on your website. Or if you don't meet me for, you know, the chance to meet in person is swimming with this photo and kids being extorted in that way. But we're also seeing this influx of cases of young men, athletes of high school and junior high boys or male identifying kiddos who. Are tricked into sending a sexual picture and then it not necessarily being a sexual abuse lure but it being a financial thing. It's off. It's coming from overseas. Quite a bit of you know, if you don't send me $500, I'm going to send this to the college recruiters who want you to play basketball. If you don't send me I'm going to send this to your high school lacrosse coach or whatever else. And so it's this idea of of the pattern is folks from overseas. Targeting high school athletes and then once they have those pictures, just consistently getting money from that young person because they don't want to in their perspective, they don't want to ruin their chances at at at playing college or you know semi whatever it might be. And there's all the shame with gender of oh, I should have been able to say something I should have figured this out. So there's those layers and they're finding that a lot of these boys aren't telling and so then instead of like a. A scam online where you get paid once and then that person realized they've been scammed, that these young men just continually come up with the money and don't make a report. We're seeing those cases. And so we're doing Internet safety in the schools, making
sure kids know that all genders are targeted. Because, I mean, my friend, I was talking to my friend Mandy, and she was like, yeah, when we had the like, don't get raped talk. All the girls sat in the gym and had to like, don't get raped to talk. And the boys all went outside to play soccer and she's like, I remember sitting in the gym, this is like mid 90s. I mean like shouldn't they be in for this talk too? Like, should they be in the like also be aware of this and let's all get in on this together. So I think in the online safety world, realizing that all genders can be targeted, realizing what some of the patterns are like the patterns for.
Sexual exploitation online, in almost every case they're talking about sex in the first half hour of the conversation, you know, over 90% of the time. And so that idea about teaching kids that one of the big warning signs of someone is approaching online in any app or in any way and and wine talk about sex like that's not one of the healthy grown-ups. So it's not one of the healthy, you know, just being aware of those patterns and then also being aware of the patterns of that sextortion piece. And the the MO that folks have when it comes to soliciting a sexual picture, and if and if you get, if you fall for that trip or that trap, it's not your fault and that it's not, and that you're allowed to get help and that you're allowed to get support. And you know, the National Center for Missing Explained Children has great resources with their Take It Down campaign. The different state Icacs are aware that this is a pattern, are there to be helpful, and the clients that I've worked with have had good experiences. Once they have made a report that it's that idea of I was working with one client family and they said, well I talked to my daughter about online safety because I was really worried about her. I never talked to her brother about it because I don't think this is something he would have to feel with and just being aware that all genders can be targeted with with abuse or exploitation online or in person and that this isn't a conversation for one type of person but everyone. Needs to be involved in the knowing the warning signs and what to do when our friends are targeted. What to do when our when we're worried about our friends. What do we do when we see patterns that are problematic with our friends, with people who might be causing them harm. So just I think one of the things in prevention is just getting everyone on board when it there's a seat at the table for everyone in prevention.
Alice will be back next week at 10:00 AM on Thursday for 2nd. Part 2. And always follow us on your favorite social media platform and on your favorite podcast platform. And if you want to have any questions, reach out to rachelonrecovery.com. And we're on YouTube, so always subscribe to our channel. Thanks.
