Episode Transcript
Hi, this is Rachel on Recovery. We're back with Allison and she's going to tell the rest of her story.
Tell us, tell us about the book on the runaway days and can I play it safe when in 2008 I was able to release 2 children's books at the time? Publishing, which has since changed name as a publishing company. Teacher Resources. But the. The idea of wanting body safety to be diverse, positive, inclusive, not that black and white like brochure that you pull out once a year. You know it's like and everyone's nervous about it, whatever, but just have it be a part of the bookshelf part of the so I can play it safe. It's just talk about body safety on those runaway days are what to do when you're carrying around problems that are grown up, problems when you're a kid like. We have that backpack full of grown up problems in your kid. What do you do? And who can you take out? You know, who can you take out those problems and talk about it with? Who are your five adults that make up your net? And we say 5 because sometimes it's the person on the net who's breaking the rules and we have four more people to tell. Or it might be embarrassed to tell a parent, but we're willing to tell this person So building safety Nets for kids, letting them know that if they're carrying problems that feel too big, that they're allowed to get help for those problems and instead of running away that they can ask for help. And so it's 22 books that came out in the world and and continue to do well. And I always love just to see the the different books that continue to come out that that handle body safety in ways that are helpful approachable, positive. My, my kiddo really likes the one about bodies, boundaries and consent, right. And that she was, this is we were it's like the real world you learn the things she was. Reading the book And then a few days later she's getting ready for her school pictures right. Fall picture
day preschool. And she was like, Mom, I really need nail Polish for my preschool pictures. I'm like it's your face It's it's just your face. You you don't need nail Polish. Like I I will smile bigger if I have nail Polish. I'm like you're 4. You don't need nail Polish. We're good. And it was this ongoing back forth that she looked at. She was well mom, it is your job to help keep me safe in my body. It is my job to make the decisions about beauty. I was like, oh. Right. OK. So we we got, we made the like I said you could do one finger and then she came down with one finger on each hand and that was fine. It was all good. Like it was back and forth. But just that idea of like having not you know having the conversations about bodies, consent, boundaries like making that easy and and even just having that vocabulary. I wasn't expecting her to pull that one out of her back pocket. But you know the to normalize conversations around autonomy and and and to have that back and forth is is a positive.
Yeah. And that can be super helpful. Yeah. I I grew up in a family with brothers, and my dad would read us the Where Do I Come From? Book, like every so often. It was, you know, the sperm with the top hat. And it was a 1970s. And I just thought it was just like every other book in our bookshelf until my cousin spent the night and dad was like, what do you guys want to read? I'm like, where do I come from? And I was like, no. I don't know what your cousins know about their body. Let's pick a different book. It's like why it's so good, you know. But just having that like the normalization of conversation about like what our body parts and what are what are, you know, tips and tools around safety and and normalizing that it's just something else that we learn about and that we talk about was hugely helpful and and gave me words when I was a kid when I needed them to to have that sort of as a baseline. And so yeah, just the idea of. Being being one of many authors who who want to equip kids with bad information about bodies is is a joy. And I and they also keep you humbled a little boy at church just like I love your books, Allison. I was like, thanks Nicholas. He's like, yeah, they're they're one of the few books I have that is a hardcover. So like I can really roll my matchbox cards over them like really easy. And I was like, thank you. Like, you know they keep you real. They keep you humble.
Well, you know, at least he appreciates, yeah, you know, if it's the matchbox racing car book. And then every so often he opens it up and and knows that he's allowed to listen to his uh oh feeling and tells someone if his UH feeling is going off, then like win, win, right. Win, win,
yes. Can you tell us about the new textbook that is? Out on sex crimes. Yeah. And when I was getting my masters, I I was frustrated with the books that I was given on sex offenders and sex crimes because I thought they were all like celebratory. Like do you know this serial killer? And like and I felt like they're just really not Traum informed. And I was actually, I was Taing Dr. Clifford who who wrote the class, who wrote the book textbook with me. I was Taing for class and we had just watched this horrible. I mean, it was. Helpful. But it was horrible. It's horrible like documentary saying about a guy who would like abducted and abused his children. It was it was rough And so the the students were leaving class for the day and one of the boys looked at another boy. He's like what are your plans this weekend? He's like well 1st I'm going to go home and cut off my penis after seeing that movie and then I'm going to you know they were just but just this idea of like leaving these classes just feeling like there's what can we do about it. And Dr. Clifford did a great job of doing like calls to action and things you could do. But I just feel like the the texts were very like. You know they it's not the book you just want to like have out on the coffee table. Right. It was just like really intense and it didn't feel like that it really handled prevent so and kind of like an an assault exactly what the books that I read on the when I don't want someone to sit with me on the airport it's like oh predators my doctor and it's a great book but also if you open it up no one talks to you at the airport. It's a good it's a good buffer book to have I've there's certain books that's like. Ohh, I'm gonna pull this one out and no one will talk to me at the airport if I'm feeling introverted,
which I'm a raising extrovert. But even raging extroverts don't necessarily want to talk to someone on an airplane for a while. So yeah, that that's that's one of my airplane books. But Sex, Sex Crimes and Offenders, which is the textbook that Dr. Clifford and I wrote is is one that could also be used in a similar vein. But it's it's a a book that's used by college students saying sex crimes. It hopefully comes from a more trauma informed plan. So that's the goal.
I can see that. Yeah. I've read Predator. It's a good book but it's it's raw. I I, I never, I'll never forget suggesting Gavin de Becker's book The Gift of Fear to a friend of mine or I I was protecting the gift I suggested to a friend of mine who's a dad of three kids and he's someone who military background very like and he was like I I could have it do it in very small. Like bits because the when you're reading a chapter then you're imagining your kiddo. In that situation it's like I had to do it in very very small chunks. So I also suggested that book that a college student was doing an internship and she came to my office and she's like what's a pager? Like he's talking about a pager what is that? And I was like I'm that's a good reminder of my age and I will tell you what a pager is and how we wore them in in in the aught 2000s but yeah just that idea of. Reading those books and and and thinking about the proactive aspect of which of the which is great but also it's it's it's a lot it's a lot to read before bed right. Not not necessarily a book before bed.
No, no, no, no. There's a lot of I I'm only allowed to read like happy books before bed one and you also try to avoid. Things that are very close to your work just for balance. I remember I was getting my masters and like Twilight was really popular at that time. I was like OK great escapism about vampires that's like written for a young adult like that would just balance out all this like sex. And then there was a one of the characters is has experienced a sexual assault and a very like and I remember just throwing the book down. He's like come on this is supposed to be like by escapism and now we're we're back to we're back to real you know. The the realities of of sexual violence happening in all different kind of communities, vampires included, apparently. So yeah, it is. Sometimes it comes out of nowhere with no, with no, no prep.
Yeah, I tried to read. I was reading like the little the Disney movie, like adult books, like they took like all the stories and then they kind of made them a little more adult, like young adult series and I'm like, yeah. That's what I'm gonna stick into because I yeah, I sometimes get I was like reading the wicked like the musical theater show Wicked is based on a book and halfway through the book I was like oh oh this is OK we're we're doing a sharp right turn here into into things that are not not G rated and and not not escapism. So yeah, it's a. Yeah, that can be really tricky. Especially especially like, with the knowledge that we have now, we go back and we watch it as like either a kid or read a book from when we were a kid. Like, wow, that was really dark. The bar I was at, my I was like, oh gosh, his parents died in the first book like this. Yeah. And Bambi, I can't do. I can't do Dumbo. Can't, can't do Dumbo. So it's. Yeah. Always talk to adventure what works and I think that also there's also like your safety shows of like Veronica Mars is is my opinion the best show ever written. And I I can just have them in the background and watch them and like I know how it's going to end and it's a comfort like loop and I don't have to be worried or anxious. I'm just like Yep, Veronica Mars is going to save the day again, we're just you just have that in the background and be OK with it. So I think there's also that as like a. The self-care piece of like, I don't want to invest in conflict and trauma. At the end of the day, working in conflict with trauma, let me watch Verana Kumar's again and know that it's gonna be alright.
Yeah, I feel that way about small. Yeah. Keeps your comfort shows. Absolutely. Those are that's that's a a buffer. A buffer experience and get engaged with media. When you know how each episode's gonna end. It's like, Yep, I'll watch that again because I know how it's gonna end.
What do you do for self-care? Yeah, theater is well, I, So my self-care strategies have shifted with COVID because a lot of I was very involved in camping, working at a theater music camp every summer, doing a lot of theater stuff and both being a parent and really trying to put public health at the forefront. A lot of the activities that were my usual like balance activities, I had to change or switch and I I think. So as a so, I've been working on a project. I'm speaking at a conference in May in Minnesota and the presentation that I'm doing is how do you parent when you know too much, right? Like how can you be a parent when you work in this world? That it was a completely selfish thing for me because I was trying to figure it out like I've. Been in this field for a long time, but then things shift when in a caregiver role or in a parent role. And I I don't want to gatekeep what it means to be a parent or what it means to be a caregiver because different people have different like if if that's how they see themselves, you're welcome to see yourself that way. And you know, absolutely. But I so I've been doing all these interviews with people who are who do this work and our parents. I think I've done like 16 or 17 interviews as I'm prepping for this presentation and just the what I'm hearing from. People in the field is is the fact of less about self-care as an individual, more about like community care, right? Like do we live in a state that allows for maternity leave? Like do we live in a a place that that do we work for people who put Wellness at the top of the agenda and that and that allow for Wellness opportunities, right. So that idea about seeing self-care less about me taking a walk every day. And more about like do I have access to therapy, do I have access to community health? You know, so I think, I think it's a both and but I think we,
I, I engage in things just as an individual like taking walks to clear my brain or hanging out with with my kiddo who brings me great joy and makes life very fun. And you know dogs, dogs and babies, you know those kinds of basic things that are that are helpful. But it's also that idea of like do do I have people that I can call to just say, hey, can you help me out tonight or can you help me with this thing or hey, I'm really struggling with this and what did you do when you struggled with this and just sort of knowing who my safety net of people are and accessing that when I need it. Big fan of therapy. Big fan of therapy as well As for me, I've I've. Found spiritual direction to be an added bonus to work with the spiritual director of what is God saying in this moment and and how do you see God working in this moment. Not as a substitute for therapy but as a just another addition. So yeah I think it's I I do my own self-care with and and seeing a lot of musicals and live music and concerts and things like that. I'm super excited to think this summer like I can't wait. Yeah. So live music and but and creation. Creating things like I can't necessarily direct full musicals right now in my life. But finding things to to create and then and then doing what I can to advocate for community care and it would be a huge selfcare piece for me if I wasn't if if our you know I I know it's the idea of where we're at with the country when it comes to guns and like. And and what that means is a parent and and what that how how to parent through how what what's going on there like that's that's something that really messes with with my ability to see the world as as a safe place and and and to parent And effectively when I, when you know our kids are doing trying to figure out where would be a safe place in our house to hide if there was a shooter. Right. Like those kinds of questions that they shouldn't be asking. So I think we still have a long way to go in. Making kids and families a priority in our culture and I mean preschool lunch is great and I'm super excited about that. But that you know, but just things like that like it. COVID was a a huge reflection to me of of the kids coming class. This is
how I saw it. That was really hard, you know to wait for years after my vaccine is approved for my child to be vaccinated just like the.
Big I think a big part of self-care is is asking how the kids are doing and responding accordingly.
How does this impact your faith doing this work
For me it's it's my faith has been a huge it's a huge part of the way that I see the world. It's a huge it's a safe space for me it's a but I think there's also. Parts of it where again people with bad intentions are are going to go to where the kids are. And so I've also had experiences where places that felt safe and sacred were no longer felt safe and sacred to me. And so it's part of it is just investing in prevention. I'm really thankful at the at the faith me that I attend the the priest and the and the youth minister and the and the director of the youth program they've all attended our keeping faith. The two day training that we do twice a year I I feel like. You know macro sense like people are, but I was there's always so much more that can be done. There's so much more of what I my biggest frustration is when people say, well I've already, I've already been trained, I've already I'm good like I've been trained like that. There's like a a minimum bar and when you've passed that like you're good and it's like, yeah, you might have been trained. But I go through CPR training very regularly because I don't think that I'm necessarily going to remember my CPR thing from. You know babysitting training from whatever ago and so the the idea of like yeah I've been trained I've got it and it's like well it's ongoing it's continual certification it's continual there's you're not done like you're never done in in checking a box and be like OK my faith community will now not be touched by by this problem because checkbox I've done that webinar right So I think I
for me my. My faith community has been hugely helpful in being a place where as a kid I was allowed to speak and have a voice and a vote and and and learned early on about involvement in helping make the world better. But I I, I also know we have a long way to go and I'm as someone who did youth ministry for a very long time then continue to be involved in youth ministry there. There are a lot of. Yeah, there are a lot of holes and pockets and places that that that we are not living out what we should be living out and that that we could be doing better and again, making kids the priority. Is it
cool? There's conference coming up. Can you tell us a little bit about. Yeah, one of the things that we do. So Jacob Barling Research Center is a program of 0 Abuse Project, which is the larger sort of umbrella organization that we fall under. And they're invested in getting people together who are passionate about this work or passionate about prevention, who are passionate about response. Frontline professionals who work in child abuse is forensic interviewers and and then other roles. So we do an annual conference every year and this year it's coming up in Florida, which is a wonderful, you know, there's, you know Orlando, there's a lot to do when you're not in classes. So it's it's June 7th for the forensic interview, national peer review. And then June 8th and June 9th are the sessions merging issues in the field research update, male victims, secondary traumatic stress, you know religion and race and corporal punishment. So just some really interesting. Topics for people who work in the field and want to stay connected. And one of the things I love about conferences, you know, there's the sitting down and the getting information, which you could do in a zoom, but it's the sitting down next to someone and where are you from and what do you do? And building those connections so that when you are stuck, when you are frustrated, when you've hit a wall, oh, I met that person at a conference. Call them, see if they have any ideas. It's great to meet other states who don't have this, don't know the same people you do. So that you can get opinions and thoughts and and the idea of you know networking sounds so sort of static. But investing in those relationships and meeting new people, that's something that I've missed very much with COVID. I love being able to train online but the one of the beautiful things about being an in person conference is to turn to that person next to you and actually build connections and build memories and and have those people to call when you need to. So emerging issues in the field. You can go to our website 0abuseproject.org to get all things Summit information or Google Summit Zero abuse project and get information. It's you know June, it's it's like a month from today. So the the excitement is building and and there'll be great people there doing great work.
OK, sounds excellent. I think that's it. Is there anything else you would like to add that we did not ask or talk about? I just I think that it's. Just so important and I'm just so thankful for the opportunity to to talk about prevention because a lot of when we're talking about abuse is after there's been a problem, after there's been, you know, how did this happen? How can we pick up the pieces of meal and talk about prevention before there's a problem? Is is life giving and empowering? And for people who really want to be invested in prevention, you know, seek out your resources, come in, you know, take a look at 0abuseproject.org. Running our mailing list is 1 organization to learn more about but just know that there are people out there who who want to get upstream in this in this problem and and to be able to do a better job of of responding when something bad happens. So we can all you know there's no check box to I've learned everything there's there is to learn in this field. It's it's ongoing and it's changing and survivor voices can help lead us. The last thing I'll say is is 0 abuse project recently. Launch Survivor Space which is a website for with a lot of resources for survivors and by survivors and the more that we can encourage voices speaking up on behalf of Bench and the better off we are as a as a culture in the country.
Yes and we'll we'll have list those resources at the bottom of this episode and. Thanks for coming on our show and talking to us and telling us about the conference and telling us about the new things that are coming into play with prevention work, because thanks for creating this space, unless it's a powerful space to be invited into. So thank you. You're welcome. All right. All right, guys. TuneIn next week, Thursday at 10:00 AM always follow us on your favorite social media platform or. Podcast Platform and if you have any questions, reach out to Rachel on recovery.com. And we're also on YouTube, so find us there if you want to subscribe. Thanks.
