Episode Transcript
WEBVTT
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Hi Guys, this is Rachel and
recovery. We've got a special guest coming
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back to tell the rest of our
story, Hannah. Thanks for coming back,
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Hannah. We're going to just start
off with the question. We'll talk
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about a little bit about your financial
abuse that you experienced. Tell us a
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little bit about that. They so
what kind of was with like fundraising stuff?
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Everybody specific amounts of money that people
like raise, and so everybody raise
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money together. So look, even
if I had finished reached my goal,
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then if sally hadn't reached her goal
yet and it was needing help, I
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was raising over my goal to cover
her cost, which kind of in theory,
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is how like fundraising words. But
we weren't fundraising as a group.
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And let there were group fundraising opportunities, but they're when we were specifically like
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going home for two weeks and talking
to people and receiving donations to like go
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on this trip and into our like
accounts to pay for it. We were
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expected to raise more if somebody in
our group resising the updates weren't wasn't weren't
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reaching their goal, and any extra
money that we raised wouldn't like the return
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to people say, though, we
raised. You know we're over our goal,
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or even you know, we're turning
money to people. If we would
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reave like way over our goal,
I guess something would have donated, donated
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it back to the organization anyway and
help with other fees, but it necessarily
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wouldn't go to our outreach trip.
I could go to anything on the base,
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so like and any fund if we
raised extra money, which I was
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like, that's really weird, but
okay, or any any money left over
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from the trip, which there might
be, you never know, but wouldn't
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be credited towards us back. It
would go back into the organization. And
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I'm not saying everybody it donates.
Like missionaries need like support and stuff,
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but they the people on the basic
the base doesn't pay them. So like
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the organization doesn't pay you to be
there. Like you have to raise your
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own support to be there. And
so then the base page account, like
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you're an independent contractor. Yeah,
but your pack not really. And so,
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like some places do it that way, some places don't. But I
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was just kind of weird. But
then after I left they sent me a
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bill for a plane ticket and nonrefundable
plane ticket that I never used. They
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charge me for letters, envelopes,
stamps, papers, like the letter like
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printed that I never sent out.
Like I had addressed all of my letters
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to who they were going to,
including the return the return level and stuff,
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all of the letters, but I
hadn't put any postage on it.
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No, I hadn't gotten a letter
jet, because that's another thing. I
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didn't get my letters yet because they
said that there was a problem with the
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last group being printed, but I
knew it was all on me and they
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were waiting for me to like submit
to them and say, yes, I'll
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do this, these are my final
numbers, and I never did, and
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so everybody else received their letters except
for me, and I was like this
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is not right. And so they
charged for all of that and I was
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like, I never sent them out
and I they're not even stamp, but
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they're not viable to use, and
so they charged for that. And then
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they charge outreach me, as occurred
on my behalf. So like transportation and
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food and stuff like that. Like
obviously you have to set things up,
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but like, as been six weeks
there and there's more than enough money left.
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Do they have a percentage breakdown to
like if you leave how much money
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you'll get back, and so by
week six you don't get anything. But
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if I left a week five,
I would get twenty percent of that money
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back. And so, like the
breakdown was kind of weird and I was
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like I should have fought it,
but I didn't. I paid it.
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I was like I'm done with you, like get out of here. But
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they weren't specific about it in the
beginning. They're like these are outreach bees
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occurred on your behalf, but it
wasn't itemised, it wasn't broken down.
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I was like here's this lump sum
total of money that you need to pay
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within a month, and my parents
and I were like this is weird.
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And so they called them. They
called the base leader and was like we
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need an itemized list of like what
this is, because we're not just going
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to pay a bill. You know. It wasn't even listed, like you
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know the medical bill that has things
broken down with what cost what, like
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you that's what they were expecting on
this invoice and even on it and was
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if you get worked on it,
so it breaks it down. There was
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no breakdown until we specifically asked for
it and don't know, like pay it
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in a month and then didn't threaten
anything else. Go like who took time
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to pay it? But they then
they're like well, then they through the
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contract back and said you're expected to
pay this. But was like, I
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never actually went like there's nothing,
there's nothing here. I never raised any
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money so far, and you still
have all of my tuition, which is
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which was like thirty two hundreds.
So like that's a lot of yeah,
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that would have been a red yeah, that would have been a red flag
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for me. I mean I went, I went and studied in Italy for
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that much. Yeah, and so
I'm like you still have all that money,
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you know, and like some of
coudes, like we're board and some
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materials and stuff and food, but
you're like you still have all that money
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and I'm sure you have plenty of
money to cover this. But they have,
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they have for having pay for it
and as I find we're done with
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it. That's it. By see
a letter and I'm never heard them them
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again. So, yeah, well, I don't know if I would have
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actually paid it. I would have
been just walked away and I don't know.
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So I wanted to, but my
mom's like, you have to pay
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this. You like did this and
we eventually got them down to where I
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can only paid for the nonrefundable plane
ticket, but I'm like, I didn't
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even like get a credit for it. NOPE, from like the airline or
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anything. So it's like they bought
a nonrefundable plane ticket and like that's all
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them. Like you don't buy not
refundable plane tickets unless you absolutely know you're
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going. Yeah. So, yeah, well, I know your mom's trying,
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trying to do the right thing and
you know, and the situations are
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just tough to figure out what is
the right thing to do right and nobody
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really knew and we're like you know
what was going to happen if we did
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it, and more like we'll just
pay it and be done with it.
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And that chapter of my life was
okay, okay. Tell us about the
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trouble you got in for questioning authority. Um, so they have like weird
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rules to so like we had the
base itself. Some of the classrooms were
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in a church, so like next
door, and so we kind of had
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like a quote unquote dress code of
like what was like presentable and everything had
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to add a fire floor, I
by God. So in are go like
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clothing to and like I wore sweatpants
one day, but they weren't ratty,
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they weren't taddy like, they were
old like. They were decent flat pants
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and I worry tweutcher like. They
wasn't an old one. It wasn't tauted,
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it wasn't roddy, and they're like, well, I'm not going to
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ask you to change, but I
could if I wanted to, but I'm
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not going to you, but you're
violating the dress code because I wore sweatpants
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and a sweatshirt to class, like
okay, I can't be comfortable one day,
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and they're like well, it doesn't. We want to keep up our
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appearance that we're godly people and we
look like good to be here because we're
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renting this space from this church.
kind of what it begins down to,
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and I was like, okay,
that's really weird, but right. Why
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would you say something like that?
They didn't really like punish, punish me,
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but when I would ask questions,
they would like spend it and turn
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it back around and making it my
fault. And they're the ones like they're
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protecting themselves, and I just kind
of stopped and like let them do their
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antics and they like and just boom
off. Can you give us a Samby?
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Didn't that. It was mostly so
my like small group leader. She
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would say, like you know when
the Bible what says to not be prideful,
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and I was like, yes,
I do know that, like Jesus
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talks about that, and I don't
think in the situation that I am.
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I'm just trying to understand where you're
coming from. And I never got solid
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answers, though. They always just
spun it back around them and wrapped it
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around and used scripture and they like
this is where it says this, and
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I don't remember specific scriptures, but
they're like this is what you should have,
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you should be doing and you should
be taking it to God daily and
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you should be laying at the foot
of the Cross and its like I do,
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but like I wasn't showing visible like
yeah, I'm at Jesus break,
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like I am, but not like
kind of throw it in your face and
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like have all these scriptures memorize and
they like this is for this dissipance.
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I'm like that I don't do that
and they're trying to get me to submit
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anunthers and be like well, from
you said and Bob Blah, and I'm
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like, but I didn't use that. That so gaslighting you, pretty much.
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Yeah, and they would like they
kept me from local outreach to which
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was weird, because we're supposed to
be like serving our community and then your
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leg instead, we're gonna have a
one on one and you and I will
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miss local ministry, when we're doing
what God would Jesus told us to do,
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is like serve others. And I'm
like, what's the point of this?
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There's no point, like we're but
it's a dunt, like it's a
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double standard. You're like you're wanting
us to be the hands of feet of
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Jesus, and yet you're holding me
from that because I was like refusing to
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change some numbers that you thought were
prideful, that I was being prideful about
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it. So you're going to hold
me from this experience to serve others.
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But yet here we are and we're
like going to have a conversation that's going
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to get us absolutely nowhere. So, Ostrosen, oster sizing you, because,
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yes, you weren't doing you won
a robot. Yeah, that's frustrating.
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Oh Bus, and I'm like,
I'm twenty by this point. And
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so you're like, you know,
I've been around the block enough to be
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like you sure, like why?
What? What are you trying to achieve
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here? And I even like said
that and they're like, well, we
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just going to make sure that you
know that when we deem fit, you'll
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get your letters. I'm like,
that's not the point. It was never
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it was. That's not the point. That's not why we're here. No,
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it's not. Now, was there
any specific poor doctrine that really?
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Well, they were. I'm not
against scripture like memorization by any means,
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but like we had to memorize specific
scriptures and they liked Philippians a lot,
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which will babes the BI book,
but they liked anything that Paul wrote.
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So like all the scriptures that we
like were to memorize were from Paul's writings,
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from his letters and a lot to
the Philippian church. And if we
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didn't have it completely memorized, they
would quote unquote doc points from us or
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like whenever that we didn't get so
many scriptures memorize, we wouldn't graduate the
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school. And like even the whole
time we we're doing stuff, a montal
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stuff, like we were to pick
a Gospel and we threw and answer questions,
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but maybe it was all for I
don't know, which would be a
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lot of reading. But we have
to like go through the Gospels and like
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answer questions like on our own time
too, and we were to have that
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completed by the time that we were
to like graduate, so to speak,
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and like if we didn't like they
wouldn't let us graduate. So I don't
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know if anybody had not done it, but they did a lot of forced
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quiet times too. So in the
morning we would get up and then have
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an hour of quiet time and then
we could and then we'd like go to
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the school for the day or the
class for the day and then not come
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back till dinner, after dinner time. So they were there like all day
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because the housing wasn't on campus other
than the guy's house, and we like
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we just spent all of our time
they like there wasn't probably any time to
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ourselves, and even if there was
time for ourselves, like people didn't want
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to go out and explore the city. So you're like you're in a new
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city and you don't want to go
see things that you live in, like
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you live there. You don't want
to do stuff like that. That's a
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little weird. Yeah, I mean
most of the time. I mean I
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know when our Church would do ministry
or whatever, I mean they take us
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to go do stuff around the you
know, the cities and things that were
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unique to that area. You know, yeah, you're like, and that's
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what I'm what I was expecting,
like I had been all mission trips before
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and like we'd have three days and
do stuff around the city and like see
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stuff and be new people. But
that did not happen there. Well,
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and then I'm trying to think of
other examples, like Oh, we did
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a father heart of God. It's
like teaching and I thought it was kind
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of weird, unlike to specifically like
get to the Father Heart of God and
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understand what God's like heart is for
like I know was like for us,
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but it was like an entire week, which was kind of weird in my
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opinion, and like this random guy
who's like a big guy, like six
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over six foot, I'm like big, did him to like teach about it.
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But then at the end of the
week, like the people would start
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bragging about something. During the Father
Heart of God, we'd like you'd have
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a cry, fast and it's just
like those most Cathartic thing and they were
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like hyping it up, love bombing
it kind of thing, and you're like
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okay, like I know crying is
a good thing, but like why would
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this like be a communal cry thing? Like, you know, it was
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weird. And so like here's this
guy that's like talking to each one of
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us, like we're in silent prayer
and like just being there and this room,
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and here's this guy that's like standing
in front of us and it's like
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I'm like he's goes this is God
giving you a hug, and you're like,
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okay, well, I don't know, like I don't find giving hugs,
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but here's this man like giving me
a hug, saying this is God
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healing your heart and he sees you
and he loves you, and I'm like,
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I don't need you to tell me
that. And especially, like other
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people in the group had experience like
other things in their past, like being
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sectually assaulting stuff and that. So
like that's going to be extremely triggering for
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people. Oh Yeah, I mean
most definitely. And Yeah, and I
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was like this is weird. And
then they liked to make people feel like
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ashamed of like something about them,
what they wanted us to be, give
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their like darkest like secret or like
something that like only your closest friends.
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But no, but like we had
known these people very long and so like
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they're like one forcing us to be
close. And like people are saying like
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all these things that I'm like,
I don't know you people. I don't
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want to share lots of things with
you, like it's only been been a
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couple of weeks and know, and
I didn't. I didn't want to,
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or even if they made me,
was some stupid day. But people,
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they were like really taken aback by
it. They're like why are we doing
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this? But in you know,
you look back on you're like, oh,
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it's just a way for forced force
inclusion, like everybody knows everybody and
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then nobody can say anything bad about
each other. Yeah, well, I
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mean, and they want you to
build intimacy, but if intimacy is back
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too soon, than a crumbles.
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, and then
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they also made the whole class agree
that we were to say like dingle throughout
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the whole like course of the school, and if we wanted to start dating,
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it had to be like ratifies,
not the right word, but checked
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by like other people around us and
like other leaders to like make sure and
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that we're on the same page.
At like a boy and girl could be
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together are like date. And then
there are other stories of Bass and people
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like couples that came together that were
engaged but not married yet. This didn't
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happen at my base, but I've
read stories about it to where their leaders
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were manipulating each person individually and saying, well, he doesn't like you because
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he told me that he doesn't like
you because I'm like separating them completely.
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Oh Wow, that sounds very manipulative. And Yeah, and even though like
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we agreed that we wantn't date each
other during that but by the end of
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it there was multiple people that hit
that had gotten married or engaged or dating
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each other by the end of it. So, yeah, there weren't think
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there was a point like that was
always going to happen and a lot of
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those people stayed. So, like, if you aren't one of the ones
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that they want to be on staff, they won't bother you about it.
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Like I was never really approached about
being on staff and I know it wasn't
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going to be a something I wanted
to do, and so that's something that
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I wanted to do. So I
didn't and they didn't presume me about it.
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Okay, one last question. Well, we're so, I guess.
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How is this impacted yours? Your
faith? But I got back, I
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was at a different I went to
a different church when I got back,
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but the church I grew up in, and I went there and they were
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really familiar with while I am and
they had never really heard of anything like
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that happening before what happened to me, and they were like taken back by
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it. But now they support a
lot of people that go to whowen.
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So I like don't go there anymore
and then worry about it. But it's
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impact of my faith in that you
like here and doctrine for so long.
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You're like, you know, this
is how you're supposed to hear the voice
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God, and you're like, well, you can't tell me how I hear
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the Voice of God, and like
I know how I have to hear it.
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So like you're giving me all these
steps to say, like this is
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how I need to hear the voice
of God, or like this is how
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I need to enter intercessory prayer and
this is how I need to have a
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vision and it's take a long time
to like not do that be likely.
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I can totally like being her God
and not have to like follow all these
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stuffs and be like, Oh my
God, this is how God talks to
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me. But like no, like
I can sit and they like, Oh
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yeah, and prayer now, and
they're like, oh yeah, that's kind
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of how it's supposed to be in
the more like natural and not force like
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they wanted us to like forced to
hear the Voice of God. And now
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that I met a better church with
better people and sound Christian friends, it's
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like I can put all that away
and be like, okay, we're building
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this back from the ground up again. And even though I grew up in
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the church and new things, it's
like, Oh yeah, there's a lot
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that has changed in the happened in
the short, like six week period of
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time. Like I don't I do
have quiet times job, I'd like I'd
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all my own time. I don't. Before a long time I didn't because
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it was a forced thing, like
we're forced to have this, and now
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it's not. I can just be
like, Oh yeah, I'm gonna go
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read my Bible and spend time of
God and like in the word and like
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read it and actually enjoy it and
not be like in doctor and the like
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force to do there now I can. I can see that as a problem.
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Is there anything else you want to
tell us before we wrap up?
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Thanks so well. Thanks, Sannah, for coming on our show and hoping
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come on here for another reason later
down their own. But thanks for being
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here and all right, listeners,
you can always tune in next Thursday at
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00:21:25.279 --> 00:21:33.400
ten am or you can always follow
us on your favorite podcast platform or you
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00:21:33.519 --> 00:21:37.440
can buy it, follow us on
your favorite social media platform or income to
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00:21:37.599 --> 00:21:41.799
Rachel and Recoverycom and if you were
wanting to come on the show, just
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00:21:41.000 --> 00:21:49.559
contact us on Rachel and RECOVERYCOM.
There's a information page for that and I
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00:21:49.680 --> 00:21:52.960
will see you guys next Thursday.
Thanks.
