Hannah's Journey of Recovery from Spiritual Abuse YWAM Part 2

Episode 21 April 21, 2022 00:21:55
Hannah's Journey of Recovery from Spiritual Abuse YWAM Part 2
Rachel on Recovery
Hannah's Journey of Recovery from Spiritual Abuse YWAM Part 2

Apr 21 2022 | 00:21:55

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Hosted By

Rachel Stone

Show Notes

Hannah tells her story of spiritual abuse dealing with YWAM or Youth with a Mission. She did their training program and dealt with a lot of emotial, spirtial and montary abuse.

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Episode Transcript

WEBVTT 1 00:00:02.600 --> 00:00:07.000 Hi Guys, this is Rachel and recovery. We've got a special guest coming 2 00:00:07.000 --> 00:00:10.199 back to tell the rest of our story, Hannah. Thanks for coming back, 3 00:00:10.240 --> 00:00:14.199 Hannah. We're going to just start off with the question. We'll talk 4 00:00:14.240 --> 00:00:20.120 about a little bit about your financial abuse that you experienced. Tell us a 5 00:00:20.160 --> 00:00:24.679 little bit about that. They so what kind of was with like fundraising stuff? 6 00:00:25.679 --> 00:00:31.839 Everybody specific amounts of money that people like raise, and so everybody raise 7 00:00:31.960 --> 00:00:36.560 money together. So look, even if I had finished reached my goal, 8 00:00:36.759 --> 00:00:40.799 then if sally hadn't reached her goal yet and it was needing help, I 9 00:00:40.840 --> 00:00:45.640 was raising over my goal to cover her cost, which kind of in theory, 10 00:00:46.159 --> 00:00:49.600 is how like fundraising words. But we weren't fundraising as a group. 11 00:00:49.840 --> 00:00:55.000 And let there were group fundraising opportunities, but they're when we were specifically like 12 00:00:55.039 --> 00:00:59.280 going home for two weeks and talking to people and receiving donations to like go 13 00:00:59.359 --> 00:01:03.479 on this trip and into our like accounts to pay for it. We were 14 00:01:03.520 --> 00:01:08.359 expected to raise more if somebody in our group resising the updates weren't wasn't weren't 15 00:01:08.400 --> 00:01:18.760 reaching their goal, and any extra money that we raised wouldn't like the return 16 00:01:18.840 --> 00:01:21.519 to people say, though, we raised. You know we're over our goal, 17 00:01:23.040 --> 00:01:26.400 or even you know, we're turning money to people. If we would 18 00:01:26.400 --> 00:01:30.640 reave like way over our goal, I guess something would have donated, donated 19 00:01:30.680 --> 00:01:34.640 it back to the organization anyway and help with other fees, but it necessarily 20 00:01:34.799 --> 00:01:40.439 wouldn't go to our outreach trip. I could go to anything on the base, 21 00:01:41.480 --> 00:01:46.519 so like and any fund if we raised extra money, which I was 22 00:01:46.599 --> 00:01:51.920 like, that's really weird, but okay, or any any money left over 23 00:01:51.959 --> 00:01:53.959 from the trip, which there might be, you never know, but wouldn't 24 00:01:55.000 --> 00:02:01.159 be credited towards us back. It would go back into the organization. And 25 00:02:02.079 --> 00:02:06.840 I'm not saying everybody it donates. Like missionaries need like support and stuff, 26 00:02:06.879 --> 00:02:13.199 but they the people on the basic the base doesn't pay them. So like 27 00:02:13.280 --> 00:02:15.360 the organization doesn't pay you to be there. Like you have to raise your 28 00:02:15.360 --> 00:02:20.319 own support to be there. And so then the base page account, like 29 00:02:20.319 --> 00:02:23.800 you're an independent contractor. Yeah, but your pack not really. And so, 30 00:02:23.840 --> 00:02:27.719 like some places do it that way, some places don't. But I 31 00:02:27.800 --> 00:02:30.080 was just kind of weird. But then after I left they sent me a 32 00:02:30.120 --> 00:02:37.199 bill for a plane ticket and nonrefundable plane ticket that I never used. They 33 00:02:37.400 --> 00:02:44.120 charge me for letters, envelopes, stamps, papers, like the letter like 34 00:02:44.159 --> 00:02:52.479 printed that I never sent out. Like I had addressed all of my letters 35 00:02:52.520 --> 00:02:55.479 to who they were going to, including the return the return level and stuff, 36 00:02:55.520 --> 00:02:59.800 all of the letters, but I hadn't put any postage on it. 37 00:03:00.120 --> 00:03:02.199 No, I hadn't gotten a letter jet, because that's another thing. I 38 00:03:02.199 --> 00:03:07.240 didn't get my letters yet because they said that there was a problem with the 39 00:03:07.319 --> 00:03:10.120 last group being printed, but I knew it was all on me and they 40 00:03:10.120 --> 00:03:14.400 were waiting for me to like submit to them and say, yes, I'll 41 00:03:14.439 --> 00:03:17.280 do this, these are my final numbers, and I never did, and 42 00:03:17.319 --> 00:03:23.560 so everybody else received their letters except for me, and I was like this 43 00:03:23.639 --> 00:03:29.039 is not right. And so they charged for all of that and I was 44 00:03:29.080 --> 00:03:30.360 like, I never sent them out and I they're not even stamp, but 45 00:03:30.439 --> 00:03:35.240 they're not viable to use, and so they charged for that. And then 46 00:03:35.280 --> 00:03:39.319 they charge outreach me, as occurred on my behalf. So like transportation and 47 00:03:39.400 --> 00:03:42.919 food and stuff like that. Like obviously you have to set things up, 48 00:03:42.960 --> 00:03:49.080 but like, as been six weeks there and there's more than enough money left. 49 00:03:49.319 --> 00:03:52.240 Do they have a percentage breakdown to like if you leave how much money 50 00:03:52.240 --> 00:03:54.759 you'll get back, and so by week six you don't get anything. But 51 00:03:54.840 --> 00:03:58.439 if I left a week five, I would get twenty percent of that money 52 00:03:58.439 --> 00:04:02.039 back. And so, like the breakdown was kind of weird and I was 53 00:04:02.080 --> 00:04:04.280 like I should have fought it, but I didn't. I paid it. 54 00:04:04.240 --> 00:04:08.719 I was like I'm done with you, like get out of here. But 55 00:04:08.800 --> 00:04:12.560 they weren't specific about it in the beginning. They're like these are outreach bees 56 00:04:12.560 --> 00:04:15.919 occurred on your behalf, but it wasn't itemised, it wasn't broken down. 57 00:04:15.960 --> 00:04:18.759 I was like here's this lump sum total of money that you need to pay 58 00:04:18.839 --> 00:04:25.079 within a month, and my parents and I were like this is weird. 59 00:04:25.160 --> 00:04:29.720 And so they called them. They called the base leader and was like we 60 00:04:29.759 --> 00:04:33.319 need an itemized list of like what this is, because we're not just going 61 00:04:33.360 --> 00:04:38.079 to pay a bill. You know. It wasn't even listed, like you 62 00:04:38.120 --> 00:04:41.639 know the medical bill that has things broken down with what cost what, like 63 00:04:41.879 --> 00:04:45.439 you that's what they were expecting on this invoice and even on it and was 64 00:04:45.480 --> 00:04:46.800 if you get worked on it, so it breaks it down. There was 65 00:04:46.839 --> 00:04:50.680 no breakdown until we specifically asked for it and don't know, like pay it 66 00:04:50.800 --> 00:04:55.120 in a month and then didn't threaten anything else. Go like who took time 67 00:04:55.199 --> 00:04:58.839 to pay it? But they then they're like well, then they through the 68 00:04:58.839 --> 00:05:00.040 contract back and said you're expected to pay this. But was like, I 69 00:05:00.079 --> 00:05:04.600 never actually went like there's nothing, there's nothing here. I never raised any 70 00:05:04.680 --> 00:05:09.319 money so far, and you still have all of my tuition, which is 71 00:05:09.639 --> 00:05:14.120 which was like thirty two hundreds. So like that's a lot of yeah, 72 00:05:14.120 --> 00:05:15.399 that would have been a red yeah, that would have been a red flag 73 00:05:15.480 --> 00:05:20.639 for me. I mean I went, I went and studied in Italy for 74 00:05:20.720 --> 00:05:27.959 that much. Yeah, and so I'm like you still have all that money, 75 00:05:28.279 --> 00:05:30.759 you know, and like some of coudes, like we're board and some 76 00:05:30.000 --> 00:05:33.800 materials and stuff and food, but you're like you still have all that money 77 00:05:33.800 --> 00:05:39.079 and I'm sure you have plenty of money to cover this. But they have, 78 00:05:39.319 --> 00:05:41.800 they have for having pay for it and as I find we're done with 79 00:05:41.839 --> 00:05:45.079 it. That's it. By see a letter and I'm never heard them them 80 00:05:45.120 --> 00:05:48.879 again. So, yeah, well, I don't know if I would have 81 00:05:48.879 --> 00:05:54.879 actually paid it. I would have been just walked away and I don't know. 82 00:05:55.160 --> 00:05:58.519 So I wanted to, but my mom's like, you have to pay 83 00:05:58.560 --> 00:06:00.920 this. You like did this and we eventually got them down to where I 84 00:06:01.000 --> 00:06:05.399 can only paid for the nonrefundable plane ticket, but I'm like, I didn't 85 00:06:05.439 --> 00:06:09.319 even like get a credit for it. NOPE, from like the airline or 86 00:06:09.360 --> 00:06:14.399 anything. So it's like they bought a nonrefundable plane ticket and like that's all 87 00:06:14.439 --> 00:06:17.199 them. Like you don't buy not refundable plane tickets unless you absolutely know you're 88 00:06:17.240 --> 00:06:26.759 going. Yeah. So, yeah, well, I know your mom's trying, 89 00:06:26.800 --> 00:06:30.480 trying to do the right thing and you know, and the situations are 90 00:06:30.560 --> 00:06:34.120 just tough to figure out what is the right thing to do right and nobody 91 00:06:34.199 --> 00:06:38.199 really knew and we're like you know what was going to happen if we did 92 00:06:38.199 --> 00:06:40.040 it, and more like we'll just pay it and be done with it. 93 00:06:40.120 --> 00:06:46.319 And that chapter of my life was okay, okay. Tell us about the 94 00:06:46.399 --> 00:06:51.680 trouble you got in for questioning authority. Um, so they have like weird 95 00:06:51.759 --> 00:06:57.399 rules to so like we had the base itself. Some of the classrooms were 96 00:06:57.439 --> 00:07:01.079 in a church, so like next door, and so we kind of had 97 00:07:01.160 --> 00:07:06.079 like a quote unquote dress code of like what was like presentable and everything had 98 00:07:06.120 --> 00:07:10.560 to add a fire floor, I by God. So in are go like 99 00:07:10.639 --> 00:07:14.600 clothing to and like I wore sweatpants one day, but they weren't ratty, 100 00:07:14.639 --> 00:07:16.839 they weren't taddy like, they were old like. They were decent flat pants 101 00:07:16.879 --> 00:07:19.839 and I worry tweutcher like. They wasn't an old one. It wasn't tauted, 102 00:07:19.920 --> 00:07:25.160 it wasn't roddy, and they're like, well, I'm not going to 103 00:07:25.240 --> 00:07:29.199 ask you to change, but I could if I wanted to, but I'm 104 00:07:29.240 --> 00:07:33.399 not going to you, but you're violating the dress code because I wore sweatpants 105 00:07:33.439 --> 00:07:41.120 and a sweatshirt to class, like okay, I can't be comfortable one day, 106 00:07:41.319 --> 00:07:44.759 and they're like well, it doesn't. We want to keep up our 107 00:07:44.759 --> 00:07:47.639 appearance that we're godly people and we look like good to be here because we're 108 00:07:47.879 --> 00:07:51.399 renting this space from this church. kind of what it begins down to, 109 00:07:53.519 --> 00:07:59.879 and I was like, okay, that's really weird, but right. Why 110 00:08:00.000 --> 00:08:05.600 would you say something like that? They didn't really like punish, punish me, 111 00:08:05.720 --> 00:08:09.319 but when I would ask questions, they would like spend it and turn 112 00:08:09.399 --> 00:08:13.839 it back around and making it my fault. And they're the ones like they're 113 00:08:13.920 --> 00:08:20.759 protecting themselves, and I just kind of stopped and like let them do their 114 00:08:20.759 --> 00:08:24.959 antics and they like and just boom off. Can you give us a Samby? 115 00:08:24.000 --> 00:08:33.600 Didn't that. It was mostly so my like small group leader. She 116 00:08:33.720 --> 00:08:39.399 would say, like you know when the Bible what says to not be prideful, 117 00:08:39.960 --> 00:08:43.799 and I was like, yes, I do know that, like Jesus 118 00:08:43.879 --> 00:08:48.360 talks about that, and I don't think in the situation that I am. 119 00:08:48.480 --> 00:08:52.919 I'm just trying to understand where you're coming from. And I never got solid 120 00:08:52.960 --> 00:08:56.759 answers, though. They always just spun it back around them and wrapped it 121 00:08:56.840 --> 00:09:01.440 around and used scripture and they like this is where it says this, and 122 00:09:01.440 --> 00:09:05.840 I don't remember specific scriptures, but they're like this is what you should have, 123 00:09:05.159 --> 00:09:07.639 you should be doing and you should be taking it to God daily and 124 00:09:07.639 --> 00:09:11.000 you should be laying at the foot of the Cross and its like I do, 125 00:09:11.559 --> 00:09:16.639 but like I wasn't showing visible like yeah, I'm at Jesus break, 126 00:09:16.720 --> 00:09:20.080 like I am, but not like kind of throw it in your face and 127 00:09:20.159 --> 00:09:22.039 like have all these scriptures memorize and they like this is for this dissipance. 128 00:09:22.080 --> 00:09:28.960 I'm like that I don't do that and they're trying to get me to submit 129 00:09:28.039 --> 00:09:33.679 anunthers and be like well, from you said and Bob Blah, and I'm 130 00:09:33.679 --> 00:09:39.279 like, but I didn't use that. That so gaslighting you, pretty much. 131 00:09:39.600 --> 00:09:50.120 Yeah, and they would like they kept me from local outreach to which 132 00:09:50.240 --> 00:09:54.039 was weird, because we're supposed to be like serving our community and then your 133 00:09:54.120 --> 00:09:56.399 leg instead, we're gonna have a one on one and you and I will 134 00:09:56.440 --> 00:10:01.519 miss local ministry, when we're doing what God would Jesus told us to do, 135 00:10:01.759 --> 00:10:05.639 is like serve others. And I'm like, what's the point of this? 136 00:10:07.320 --> 00:10:11.120 There's no point, like we're but it's a dunt, like it's a 137 00:10:11.159 --> 00:10:15.279 double standard. You're like you're wanting us to be the hands of feet of 138 00:10:15.360 --> 00:10:20.759 Jesus, and yet you're holding me from that because I was like refusing to 139 00:10:20.840 --> 00:10:22.919 change some numbers that you thought were prideful, that I was being prideful about 140 00:10:22.919 --> 00:10:26.159 it. So you're going to hold me from this experience to serve others. 141 00:10:26.960 --> 00:10:31.399 But yet here we are and we're like going to have a conversation that's going 142 00:10:31.480 --> 00:10:37.159 to get us absolutely nowhere. So, Ostrosen, oster sizing you, because, 143 00:10:37.440 --> 00:10:45.200 yes, you weren't doing you won a robot. Yeah, that's frustrating. 144 00:10:46.679 --> 00:10:50.000 Oh Bus, and I'm like, I'm twenty by this point. And 145 00:10:50.240 --> 00:10:54.200 so you're like, you know, I've been around the block enough to be 146 00:10:54.360 --> 00:11:00.759 like you sure, like why? What? What are you trying to achieve 147 00:11:00.879 --> 00:11:03.200 here? And I even like said that and they're like, well, we 148 00:11:03.320 --> 00:11:07.600 just going to make sure that you know that when we deem fit, you'll 149 00:11:07.600 --> 00:11:11.000 get your letters. I'm like, that's not the point. It was never 150 00:11:11.200 --> 00:11:13.039 it was. That's not the point. That's not why we're here. No, 151 00:11:13.320 --> 00:11:18.679 it's not. Now, was there any specific poor doctrine that really? 152 00:11:22.559 --> 00:11:28.519 Well, they were. I'm not against scripture like memorization by any means, 153 00:11:28.600 --> 00:11:35.000 but like we had to memorize specific scriptures and they liked Philippians a lot, 154 00:11:35.799 --> 00:11:39.720 which will babes the BI book, but they liked anything that Paul wrote. 155 00:11:39.960 --> 00:11:46.559 So like all the scriptures that we like were to memorize were from Paul's writings, 156 00:11:46.639 --> 00:11:52.720 from his letters and a lot to the Philippian church. And if we 157 00:11:52.919 --> 00:12:01.559 didn't have it completely memorized, they would quote unquote doc points from us or 158 00:12:01.679 --> 00:12:07.759 like whenever that we didn't get so many scriptures memorize, we wouldn't graduate the 159 00:12:07.840 --> 00:12:11.440 school. And like even the whole time we we're doing stuff, a montal 160 00:12:11.480 --> 00:12:13.440 stuff, like we were to pick a Gospel and we threw and answer questions, 161 00:12:13.480 --> 00:12:16.200 but maybe it was all for I don't know, which would be a 162 00:12:16.240 --> 00:12:20.679 lot of reading. But we have to like go through the Gospels and like 163 00:12:22.000 --> 00:12:24.399 answer questions like on our own time too, and we were to have that 164 00:12:24.919 --> 00:12:31.159 completed by the time that we were to like graduate, so to speak, 165 00:12:31.240 --> 00:12:35.639 and like if we didn't like they wouldn't let us graduate. So I don't 166 00:12:35.679 --> 00:12:41.960 know if anybody had not done it, but they did a lot of forced 167 00:12:41.039 --> 00:12:48.080 quiet times too. So in the morning we would get up and then have 168 00:12:48.200 --> 00:12:54.960 an hour of quiet time and then we could and then we'd like go to 169 00:12:54.120 --> 00:12:58.919 the school for the day or the class for the day and then not come 170 00:12:58.960 --> 00:13:01.240 back till dinner, after dinner time. So they were there like all day 171 00:13:01.559 --> 00:13:09.600 because the housing wasn't on campus other than the guy's house, and we like 172 00:13:09.720 --> 00:13:11.759 we just spent all of our time they like there wasn't probably any time to 173 00:13:11.879 --> 00:13:16.480 ourselves, and even if there was time for ourselves, like people didn't want 174 00:13:16.480 --> 00:13:20.840 to go out and explore the city. So you're like you're in a new 175 00:13:22.039 --> 00:13:26.240 city and you don't want to go see things that you live in, like 176 00:13:26.360 --> 00:13:30.480 you live there. You don't want to do stuff like that. That's a 177 00:13:30.519 --> 00:13:33.679 little weird. Yeah, I mean most of the time. I mean I 178 00:13:33.799 --> 00:13:39.399 know when our Church would do ministry or whatever, I mean they take us 179 00:13:39.519 --> 00:13:43.799 to go do stuff around the you know, the cities and things that were 180 00:13:43.919 --> 00:13:48.600 unique to that area. You know, yeah, you're like, and that's 181 00:13:48.639 --> 00:13:52.360 what I'm what I was expecting, like I had been all mission trips before 182 00:13:52.440 --> 00:13:54.480 and like we'd have three days and do stuff around the city and like see 183 00:13:54.519 --> 00:14:01.679 stuff and be new people. But that did not happen there. Well, 184 00:14:01.799 --> 00:14:05.080 and then I'm trying to think of other examples, like Oh, we did 185 00:14:05.360 --> 00:14:11.360 a father heart of God. It's like teaching and I thought it was kind 186 00:14:11.360 --> 00:14:16.799 of weird, unlike to specifically like get to the Father Heart of God and 187 00:14:16.919 --> 00:14:20.159 understand what God's like heart is for like I know was like for us, 188 00:14:20.240 --> 00:14:26.240 but it was like an entire week, which was kind of weird in my 189 00:14:26.360 --> 00:14:31.360 opinion, and like this random guy who's like a big guy, like six 190 00:14:31.879 --> 00:14:35.480 over six foot, I'm like big, did him to like teach about it. 191 00:14:35.960 --> 00:14:39.720 But then at the end of the week, like the people would start 192 00:14:39.799 --> 00:14:41.639 bragging about something. During the Father Heart of God, we'd like you'd have 193 00:14:41.759 --> 00:14:48.000 a cry, fast and it's just like those most Cathartic thing and they were 194 00:14:48.080 --> 00:14:50.799 like hyping it up, love bombing it kind of thing, and you're like 195 00:14:52.799 --> 00:14:56.200 okay, like I know crying is a good thing, but like why would 196 00:14:56.320 --> 00:15:03.759 this like be a communal cry thing? Like, you know, it was 197 00:15:03.879 --> 00:15:07.960 weird. And so like here's this guy that's like talking to each one of 198 00:15:07.039 --> 00:15:11.840 us, like we're in silent prayer and like just being there and this room, 199 00:15:13.039 --> 00:15:16.879 and here's this guy that's like standing in front of us and it's like 200 00:15:16.600 --> 00:15:22.320 I'm like he's goes this is God giving you a hug, and you're like, 201 00:15:24.759 --> 00:15:26.799 okay, well, I don't know, like I don't find giving hugs, 202 00:15:26.840 --> 00:15:31.679 but here's this man like giving me a hug, saying this is God 203 00:15:31.759 --> 00:15:33.840 healing your heart and he sees you and he loves you, and I'm like, 204 00:15:35.279 --> 00:15:39.159 I don't need you to tell me that. And especially, like other 205 00:15:39.279 --> 00:15:43.600 people in the group had experience like other things in their past, like being 206 00:15:43.639 --> 00:15:46.480 sectually assaulting stuff and that. So like that's going to be extremely triggering for 207 00:15:46.559 --> 00:15:50.919 people. Oh Yeah, I mean most definitely. And Yeah, and I 208 00:15:50.399 --> 00:15:56.279 was like this is weird. And then they liked to make people feel like 209 00:15:56.639 --> 00:16:00.399 ashamed of like something about them, what they wanted us to be, give 210 00:16:00.440 --> 00:16:06.200 their like darkest like secret or like something that like only your closest friends. 211 00:16:06.200 --> 00:16:08.440 But no, but like we had known these people very long and so like 212 00:16:10.360 --> 00:16:14.240 they're like one forcing us to be close. And like people are saying like 213 00:16:14.320 --> 00:16:18.159 all these things that I'm like, I don't know you people. I don't 214 00:16:18.519 --> 00:16:22.360 want to share lots of things with you, like it's only been been a 215 00:16:22.440 --> 00:16:26.320 couple of weeks and know, and I didn't. I didn't want to, 216 00:16:26.600 --> 00:16:33.000 or even if they made me, was some stupid day. But people, 217 00:16:33.320 --> 00:16:37.240 they were like really taken aback by it. They're like why are we doing 218 00:16:37.360 --> 00:16:40.360 this? But in you know, you look back on you're like, oh, 219 00:16:40.440 --> 00:16:45.279 it's just a way for forced force inclusion, like everybody knows everybody and 220 00:16:45.360 --> 00:16:51.200 then nobody can say anything bad about each other. Yeah, well, I 221 00:16:51.279 --> 00:16:55.440 mean, and they want you to build intimacy, but if intimacy is back 222 00:16:55.720 --> 00:17:02.080 too soon, than a crumbles. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, and then 223 00:17:02.200 --> 00:17:10.079 they also made the whole class agree that we were to say like dingle throughout 224 00:17:10.160 --> 00:17:14.640 the whole like course of the school, and if we wanted to start dating, 225 00:17:15.279 --> 00:17:18.279 it had to be like ratifies, not the right word, but checked 226 00:17:18.359 --> 00:17:22.599 by like other people around us and like other leaders to like make sure and 227 00:17:22.640 --> 00:17:26.119 that we're on the same page. At like a boy and girl could be 228 00:17:26.240 --> 00:17:33.480 together are like date. And then there are other stories of Bass and people 229 00:17:33.680 --> 00:17:37.119 like couples that came together that were engaged but not married yet. This didn't 230 00:17:37.119 --> 00:17:41.799 happen at my base, but I've read stories about it to where their leaders 231 00:17:41.880 --> 00:17:47.000 were manipulating each person individually and saying, well, he doesn't like you because 232 00:17:47.240 --> 00:17:52.319 he told me that he doesn't like you because I'm like separating them completely. 233 00:17:52.680 --> 00:18:00.119 Oh Wow, that sounds very manipulative. And Yeah, and even though like 234 00:18:00.400 --> 00:18:03.799 we agreed that we wantn't date each other during that but by the end of 235 00:18:03.880 --> 00:18:11.599 it there was multiple people that hit that had gotten married or engaged or dating 236 00:18:11.680 --> 00:18:15.720 each other by the end of it. So, yeah, there weren't think 237 00:18:15.799 --> 00:18:19.559 there was a point like that was always going to happen and a lot of 238 00:18:19.599 --> 00:18:23.440 those people stayed. So, like, if you aren't one of the ones 239 00:18:23.559 --> 00:18:27.039 that they want to be on staff, they won't bother you about it. 240 00:18:27.160 --> 00:18:30.799 Like I was never really approached about being on staff and I know it wasn't 241 00:18:30.839 --> 00:18:36.240 going to be a something I wanted to do, and so that's something that 242 00:18:36.279 --> 00:18:41.839 I wanted to do. So I didn't and they didn't presume me about it. 243 00:18:41.920 --> 00:18:44.960 Okay, one last question. Well, we're so, I guess. 244 00:18:45.279 --> 00:18:55.359 How is this impacted yours? Your faith? But I got back, I 245 00:18:55.519 --> 00:19:00.880 was at a different I went to a different church when I got back, 246 00:19:00.680 --> 00:19:03.839 but the church I grew up in, and I went there and they were 247 00:19:03.880 --> 00:19:07.920 really familiar with while I am and they had never really heard of anything like 248 00:19:07.000 --> 00:19:12.400 that happening before what happened to me, and they were like taken back by 249 00:19:12.440 --> 00:19:15.839 it. But now they support a lot of people that go to whowen. 250 00:19:15.960 --> 00:19:21.880 So I like don't go there anymore and then worry about it. But it's 251 00:19:21.960 --> 00:19:26.079 impact of my faith in that you like here and doctrine for so long. 252 00:19:26.160 --> 00:19:27.519 You're like, you know, this is how you're supposed to hear the voice 253 00:19:27.599 --> 00:19:30.720 God, and you're like, well, you can't tell me how I hear 254 00:19:30.799 --> 00:19:33.440 the Voice of God, and like I know how I have to hear it. 255 00:19:33.559 --> 00:19:37.839 So like you're giving me all these steps to say, like this is 256 00:19:37.960 --> 00:19:41.039 how I need to hear the voice of God, or like this is how 257 00:19:41.160 --> 00:19:44.400 I need to enter intercessory prayer and this is how I need to have a 258 00:19:44.519 --> 00:19:48.680 vision and it's take a long time to like not do that be likely. 259 00:19:48.799 --> 00:19:52.839 I can totally like being her God and not have to like follow all these 260 00:19:52.839 --> 00:19:53.720 stuffs and be like, Oh my God, this is how God talks to 261 00:19:53.799 --> 00:19:57.519 me. But like no, like I can sit and they like, Oh 262 00:19:57.640 --> 00:20:02.480 yeah, and prayer now, and they're like, oh yeah, that's kind 263 00:20:02.480 --> 00:20:04.440 of how it's supposed to be in the more like natural and not force like 264 00:20:04.519 --> 00:20:10.160 they wanted us to like forced to hear the Voice of God. And now 265 00:20:10.599 --> 00:20:14.920 that I met a better church with better people and sound Christian friends, it's 266 00:20:15.000 --> 00:20:18.559 like I can put all that away and be like, okay, we're building 267 00:20:18.640 --> 00:20:21.640 this back from the ground up again. And even though I grew up in 268 00:20:21.680 --> 00:20:25.759 the church and new things, it's like, Oh yeah, there's a lot 269 00:20:25.960 --> 00:20:30.039 that has changed in the happened in the short, like six week period of 270 00:20:30.119 --> 00:20:33.000 time. Like I don't I do have quiet times job, I'd like I'd 271 00:20:33.119 --> 00:20:37.799 all my own time. I don't. Before a long time I didn't because 272 00:20:37.799 --> 00:20:41.440 it was a forced thing, like we're forced to have this, and now 273 00:20:41.559 --> 00:20:44.319 it's not. I can just be like, Oh yeah, I'm gonna go 274 00:20:44.680 --> 00:20:47.440 read my Bible and spend time of God and like in the word and like 275 00:20:47.599 --> 00:20:51.519 read it and actually enjoy it and not be like in doctor and the like 276 00:20:51.640 --> 00:20:56.160 force to do there now I can. I can see that as a problem. 277 00:20:56.920 --> 00:21:00.440 Is there anything else you want to tell us before we wrap up? 278 00:21:03.759 --> 00:21:07.559 Thanks so well. Thanks, Sannah, for coming on our show and hoping 279 00:21:07.720 --> 00:21:15.480 come on here for another reason later down their own. But thanks for being 280 00:21:15.599 --> 00:21:25.119 here and all right, listeners, you can always tune in next Thursday at 281 00:21:25.279 --> 00:21:33.400 ten am or you can always follow us on your favorite podcast platform or you 282 00:21:33.519 --> 00:21:37.440 can buy it, follow us on your favorite social media platform or income to 283 00:21:37.599 --> 00:21:41.799 Rachel and Recoverycom and if you were wanting to come on the show, just 284 00:21:41.000 --> 00:21:49.559 contact us on Rachel and RECOVERYCOM. There's a information page for that and I 285 00:21:49.680 --> 00:21:52.960 will see you guys next Thursday. Thanks.

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