Episode Transcript
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Hi Guys, this is Rachel and
recover. We've got a special guest today,
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Hannah. She's going to talk to
us about spiritual abuse and her experience.
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Hannah, tell us a little bit
about yourself. My name is Hannah.
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I'm twenty four. I'm a nanny
and currently a student. I study
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animal science and Industry, which basically
is not bettery medicine, but the aspects
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of how we care for animals and
the husbandry behind it. I'm currently in
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Nannie and I take care of before
and a five year old. Okay,
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so you're going to tell us a
little bit about why why Yam Wham?
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What? Yes, yeah, so
cold dish just did a part one of
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two series podcast on why I am
there. Some would consider a cult,
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some would not. They're a Christian
organization that wants to spread the Gospel and
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focus more on young people. But
the problem with why I am is there
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are's too large of an overhead and
there's not enough authority and autonomy on there's
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so many bases all over the world
that there's not enough autonomy and you know,
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to know who's running what, and
so every base can kind of do
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their own thing. Some are good, some are bad. I had a
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bad experience. There's a lot of
people that have a bad experience with why
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I am and but there were a
lot of people that had a good experience
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a why I am. But then, like I said, it depends on
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the base and where you are and
where you go and who the leaders are,
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because not everybody has a biblical background. They the only qualification to come
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on staff for why I am,
as you complete their first school, which
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they called Sampleship, praying in school, or a dts, and that's the
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only requirement to be on staff.
Then content and continue to minister to young,
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young adults well, and we can
all know that can be very detrimental
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to anybody in ministry. and honestly, I just watched a youtube video and
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like done some research on like how
to prevent narcissistic pastors, and one of
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the things they said is, you
know, have somebody who grew up in
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the church like hmm, and then
wait until he're about at least thirty,
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maybe fifty would be better, you
know, and then have them go to
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seminary and then become a minister and
yeah, because they're just, you know,
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these young pastors, they're given so
much authority and it goes to their
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heads a lot of the time.
Unfortunately. Not that, I mean they're
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just given too much power too early
in their career. Yeah, and if
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they're not given the discipline in the
faith to be there. Friend, you
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have to be mature in your faith
to lexactly exactly, because a lot of
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the times they're like they're like to
recruit you like young kids out of high
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school and a lot of the Times
after you complete a school you can become
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on staff. And so if you're
leading, they're not much older than you
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are, maybe like a couple of
years older, if you're lucky, five
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years older. But that's not necessarily
the case, not always. Okay,
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we'll tell us about some different types
of spiritual abuse to you experienced. I
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experienced verbal abuse and mental and a
little bit of financial, not a lot
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of financial, but some, but
mostly emotional and and mental. Okay,
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verbal, let's talk about the emotional
abuse. To experience. Yeah, I
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was made to feel that my faith
was not correct. In their terms,
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they're more of like kind of a
Prosperity Gospel Type Group and I'm not raised
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that way and I don't believe that. And there's a had they had a
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lot of other beliefs that were different
than mine, but why I am wants
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to bring people together with inner faiths. And then her nominations and it's didn't
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really happen that way. Like we
were told that we could go to whatever
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kind of churches we you wanted to, but it was like if you didn't
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have a car, which I didn't
have a car, wasn't bringing a car.
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So it was kind of trapped into
like go into a church. I
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could kind of like like, but
I needed to go to a church because
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that was part of the requirements.
But I was made to believe that,
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you know, my beliefs were wrong, that I needed to trust God more,
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and everything that I had raised or
raised in the church that was raising
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and believe my entire life was told
it was completely wrong. So it was
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like not do an identity crisis,
but like a well, what happened in
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my faith kind of crisis, because
it's like I haven't heard anything else and
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to come to this and be like
your faith is wrong is like totally not
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what I want to do experience or
should have experienced. Okay, can you
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elaborate like a little bit m about
what were there? What were the differences.
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Um, I was raised and United
Church of Christ and Presbyterian like kind
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of back and forth for a little
bit. And every week, you know,
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you either follow the charge with calendar, you have share sound like teachings
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and structures, and they relied a
lot on why I am or the space
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that I was at. Really believed
in like Oh, God will take care
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of it, and like yes,
that's an element, but like also there
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should be like everything at the feet
of Jesus, and they like, okay,
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like, you know, Jesus Awesome, but they focus a lot on
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like Oh, God'll take care of
it, God to provide. He does,
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but there was more focus on God
less than Jesus, and I've never
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really experienced that before. And they
were using a lot of Old Testament scriptures.
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Is opposed to the testament scriptures.
Okay, and like there's a use
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in both, which and are great, but not necessarily. If they did
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get into the gospels, of be
like something very specific that they were trying
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to like emphasize. And Yeah,
could you elaborate a little bit more on
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that, like anything specific that you
felt was just not they really liked a
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lot of Paul teachings, which is
fine, like Paul's are great, dude,
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but like they kind of like yeah, Jesus died for us and like
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brushed over that and went like straight
into like fillip fans of things that he
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wrote and was like you have to
go out and spread the Gospel and spread
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the word and do everything that like
Paul did and the disciples did. But
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you're like, you know, there's
a big chunk of the testament that talks
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about other of view. This is
teaching. It's guess you mentioned to go
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make disciples of all nations of people. But you know, he also talked
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about like briefly mentions like stuff on
the Old Testament, but it is like,
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you know, love your neighbor as
yourself and like love people and you
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know, Sven Matthew and solid you
know, building a faith, going a
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solid foundation and things like that.
But they just kind of brushed over that
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and went straight into we need to
like make as many disciples as we can
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type things. So it was more
about quantity versus quality. Yeah, okay,
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I can see that, and that's
that's a huge issue. I think
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in a lot of mega churches and
a lot of churches that just they want
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to get them to be like yes, I believe in Jesus Christ, but
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they don't want to develop them into
disciples. And they also like to take
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a lot of young Christians. I
could you did it, grow up in
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the church and you just found Jesus. They're like they like grab onto those
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people and they're like this is great, and like they use them as a
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like this is what the Gospels and
they'd like believe it and like take it
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as their word, when they haven't
had anybody of like other like sound faith
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and they've been in the faith a
long time, helping them grow, like
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and then they're having those people teach
other people when they really have only been
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a Christian like a couple of years, which there's something wrong with that.
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I think people out like coming to
the faith have a different perspective, but
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when you're trying to like teach other
people and you're teaching on the streets or
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you're teaching another country, that can
be a little bit problematic. Almost definitely.
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I mean, you know, they're
are people who, you know,
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were glad they're in faith and we
want them grow, but they have no
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business being in leadership until they have
worked through a lot of things and faith,
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because becoming a Christian and working through
that relationship is something like a marriage.
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HMM, you know, and you
don't ask Newley withs to give marriage
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advice because really, they don't write. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, and
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you know the fact that they were
going after those people is a very kind
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of predatory against yeah, Baby Christians, is like scooping up newborns from the
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nursery. I mean like, Oh, we're going to convert you and we're
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not going to give you any say
in the matter. Yeah. So now
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let's talk about thea verbal abuse.
Yeah, so I was there for six
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weeks and then I kind of started
to question what was going on and I
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wrote a newsletter. I had lots
of friends in college still and lots of
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friends are Christians and lots of friends
who are so like kind of made it
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like a neutral newsletter. Kind of
mentioned God briefly, but like a lot
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of my friends don't want to shove
it in your face Jesus kind of thing,
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and like they're Christians and I don't
know a lot of Christians that like
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shove that Jesus, shove it in
your face kind of thing. So I
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was like, I don't like it, but my small group leader was that
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kind of person and she disagreed with
my newsletter, but I finally like put
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it out and ever see, excuse
me, and receive nothing but like praises
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from friends and families and other Christians
like this is great. And so that
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was kind of like a run.
And they're like you're just too prideful.
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You need to like lay that down. I'm like, I can't be stubborn
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headed, like I was thinkingly.
Okay, yeah, maybe I can like,
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you know, lay this down a
little bit, but I don't know
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them for like a week and a
half. So I was like I kind
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of know who I'm talking to,
and so they let it go. And
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then a couple of weeks later we
started fundraising process for where we were going
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to go on a mission trip and
they didn't like how many on numbered or
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like people that I didn't give a
specific amount of money for. But and
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they also another room was really weird. They had those like pray over that
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specific individual, like that family or
that person, and ask them for like
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a specific amount of money and God
will tell us how much money they're going
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to supposed to give us, which
that doesn't work that way. No,
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it doesn't. The letter would basically
be like hi, you know, I'm
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done a Duh. I'm raising money
for this. Would you give me a
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donation of fifty? There wasn't.
It wasn't even written like you get from
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like something like from like St Jude
or something like that that has like different
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bracket amounts of what you want to
give money and other like. There were
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no options of that. It was
like hi, I need a hundred dollars
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from you and I think you know
and your financial study. I think you
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can give me a hundred dollars for
this mission trip. And I was like
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that's really weird. Ah. So
I did do that. Like I said,
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a lot of my friends are in
college. They didn't have a whole
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lot of money. So it's not
like I'm going to be like Hey,
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can you give me twenty when that
could give you a half of tech gas
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or buy dinner. I'm not going
to do that to you. And so
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I didn't and they were mad.
My small group leader was mad because I
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didn't change those numbers. I had
to do a specific total, which is
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like forty two hundred dollars, let's
say. I don't remember the exact not
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but that sounds about right. And
they wanted that certain amount and everybody had
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to have that certain amount total of
up and have. They wanted under ten
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ass letters like for unspecified amount,
and I was like I'm not getting that
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number, there's no way. And
they told me, and then my parents
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were coming in for a weekend and
so they just kind of like let it
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go on, not a lie,
and then told me that I needed to
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pray and have God show me those
individuals and ask them for a specific amount
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of money. And then they also
told me that I was being prideful and
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that I needed to like play that
down and I was being too stubborn.
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And so then I let it go
for the weekend and then come that Monday,
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the whole week I was confronted four
times in six days by two different
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individuals at the same time, and
then had a ton of oneonone like almost
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daily I had a one on one
with my small group leader and they're basically
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they told me that my faith foundation
was wrong, that I've been taught wrong
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thing, that they being prideful was
blamed on the fall of man and Adam
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and Eve and the first original sin. They told me that I was being
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with bellious for not listening to them. And I'm nineteen at this point.
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I'd spend a year in college.
I was taking time off, so I
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kind of know, like you know, when to question things, and I
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really was questioning them and they were
getting putting more pressure on. So then,
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like first it was like you know
what, no, I like received
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it. I was like, okay, fine, whatever you say. So
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then I left and I was really
starting to like question, like we're who
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were they or why are they have
the right to say that and any gift
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in time. And I was looking
at my Bible and I was like,
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you know everything I've ever been taught, like yeah, it was the first
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and original sin, like yeah,
the fall of Man Outam and Eve,
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but there's Jesus, and like Jesus
like helps us with those things, like
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pride and things like that, and
so I was like, you know,
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you can work on that. As
a person. I was like I could
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be a little prideful and like all
right, but they really like to work
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on pride, like there's a whole
lesson week. Most spent like a week
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on like the roots and shoots of
pride. Like in the first couple of
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weeks really like saying all of our
actions, of what we do, can
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be rooted in pride and how to
recognize that. I'm like, I do
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think they're pridable people, but here's
a group of young, vulnerable people,
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from eighteen to twenty five. Let's
say they're you, I'm impressionable, and
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you're telling them what pride looks like
in their lives. When they it's just
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a general thing, like this is
what pride is. Then they just wouldn't
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let go and I eventually started talking
to some family and friends and they're like
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you got to leave, like this
is like we know you and like they've
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only known you for six weeks,
like you've known you in your entire life.
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This isn't seemed to be like a
true thing. I don't know where
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they got it from. And then, like I stood up to them and
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like all three times and I was
like that's not what I believe, that's
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not how what I was taught,
and they were really mad. And so
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when I told them that I was
leaving, obviously they that really mad because
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I didn't submit to their power,
and I was like, I need my
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passport back, because we were getting
ready to go on like gidding things ready
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for our tripped and applying for visas
and stuff like that, as like I
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need my passport back. You know, I'm, you know, leaving and
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telling and I told them, people, that people, that I was leaving,
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but didn't tell them why. I
just said, you know, I'm
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leaving because two weeks, maybe week
and a half prior, some other girls
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had left for similar reasons to mine
and they had left abruptly and I kind
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of left abruptly too, but nobody
helped me. Like believer dropped me off
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at the House and I was staying
at and I was like, you know,
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pack up. Nobody brought me dinner. It was kind of like pure
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on your own, and I was
like, well, you're a Christian group
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and you're not being very Christ Christ
like right now. Of like people leaving,
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and only like one person ever helped
me like pack up, and that
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was like briefly. She was a
nice girl and think she felt bad,
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but she didn't know why I was
leaving. Yeah, I mean, and
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that takes a lot of discernment to
realize, Hey, this is spiritual abuse.
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It's kind of like being in an
abusive, rely a relationship and being
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like, hmm, this person's abusive. I can't be with them because,
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yeah, you're abusing me. Yeah, and that person has since left the
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base. I don't know why,
but there's been people that are leaving and
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realizing that starch abuse has occurred on
this face and and different, hope,
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more horrible stories in mind that are
not mine to tell, but just the
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base leadership didn't see it or they
wanted everybody to conform to what they believe
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in. And if you have someone
that's been in the fifth long enough to
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know like, I don't agree with
that and start questioning, things are going
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to get mad and they got pretty
bad. Yeah, no, I mean,
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you know, I think a lot
of times within you know, within
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the Christian faith. I mean,
yes, there's going to be things that
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we don't agree on and you know, and the other things. The point
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was, like inter faith, not
everybody's going to agree because everybody has a
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little bit different doctrine. But that
was not the case. Yeah, I
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mean there's a little bit difference because
between different doctrine and, you know,
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my way or the highway, and
I'm unfortunately we have a lot of that
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polarization in our churches and, yeah, our political system right now. So
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exactly no, and so that's that's
something to be concerned about overall. Yeah,
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and realize, I mean Christianity is
one of the most are is the
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00:18:29.160 --> 00:18:34.400
most diverse religion in the world?
Yeah, it is, it is.
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Thanks guys for listening. Hannah's going
to be back next week with us and
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she's going to tell the second part
of her why I am story and help
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us with understanding more about her time
at am. Thanks for listening. Always
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follow us on social media, find
us on our favorite podcast. If you're
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00:18:56.519 --> 00:19:02.640
interested on being in the show,
contact us on social media or on my
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00:19:02.680 --> 00:19:07.799
website, on Rachel and Recoverycom.
And if you're looking to support us,
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you can always find us on patron. We Are we do have tshirts,
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cups, smugs, all kinds of
stuff and different tiers of support levels.
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Thanks frostening to you next Thursday at
ten am. Thanks.