Episode Transcript
WEBVTT
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Hi, this is Rachel and recover. We've got a special guest today with
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us, Sherif Cousto. She's going
to tell us a little bit about her
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something that she's going to answer some
questions. First, Chryl, tell us
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a little bit about yourself. Well, hi, right, Solum. I
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am forty one years old and I
grew up and August is yours. It
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was born and raised there two parents
that were married until I was about fourteen,
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they decided to to break that up
and get divorced. Also had an
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older sister, she's like four years
my elder, and we grew up in
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I mean, and I don't know
how to describe the home life. It
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was stable, but not which you
would call ideal, as for as,
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we always had electric, we always
had water, we always had a roof
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over our head, in closed on
our back. Those types of things were
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tyken care of. So so there's
that. And they when they divorced,
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they basically divorced all of us,
my sister as well. We were kind
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of left as wayward children. I
was left to send for myself at a
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very young age, fourteen years old, and I was, I know,
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left to kind of get by by
any means necessary. I had a little
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odd jobs work in restaurants, fast
food, whoever would hire me at fourteen,
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you know, and then moved on
to like good will industries. They
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hired me when I was fifteen.
Ended up in Merle Beach, South Carolina.
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It's sent it to and met my
first love there and ended up getting
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married to him. I was an
adult entertainment at that point in my life
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and we ended up married and had
my first child. Then I got divorced
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because, you know, put the
adult entertainment. That didn't work out so
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well with the marriage. He did
stray in the marriage and I did divorce
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skin and then later on ended up
with some real bad drug addiction issues.
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Had Two more children that are not
with me either. I have three children,
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none of whom were really raised all
the way by me. The first
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child was with his father from the
age of four on, and also I
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have a little girl that is fifteen
now and a little boy that is eleven
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now, and they are both with
my mother. And that's a whole nother
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ball game there. That's bad decisions
made while under the influence of their legal
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drugs. But I am forty one
years old now and you know, I
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have been clean and on the other
side of drug addiction noil for five years
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and I am happy to say that
I am a grateful recovering attict and God
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has led me to where I'm at
today, which is pretty joyful, but
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still with some issues, underlining issues. Okay, we're going to talk about
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your borderling mother, because we do
that around here. Here's some here's our
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first question. When did you realize
something wasn't great with your mom? Well,
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my mother was a what I would
consider to be a good mother,
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you know, as far as what
I know about another, and when I
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was a child, a very young
child, I remember her tucking me into
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bed or, you know, cooking
dinner for us when she got off work
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and teaching me how to clean and, you know, just kind of being
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there, you know, giving me
some guidance and how to use and what
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in life, all the way up
until the point of the divorce. So
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I'm going to stay. And then, you know, when divorce happened,
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I went from a mother that worked
a job and came home to her family
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every night and actually acted like she, you know, kind of enjoyed her
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children, to a mother that did
not come home at all and if she
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did, she was drunk and sometimes
there were men, more than one,
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not several, but more than one, and you know, they would come
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in drum smelling of alcohol, and
that's, you know, whenever she decided
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to show up. How did your
mom's be pty effect your education? Well,
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I was fourteen when this was going
on and my dad was for I
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chose to live with my mom at
first. I was fourteen. In the
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state of Georgia, you're allowed to
choose you would like stay with. So,
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being that my mother was my closest
person that you know, was always
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around and that I depended on it
my mother, I chose to stay with
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her in the beginning of this miss
and she, like I said, you
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know, her behavior changed drastically during
this time in her life and in mind,
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and so my education was very much
hindered. I was left alone to,
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you know, just do whatever,
and I chose the wrong rows and
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the wrong friends and hanging out with
the wrong people and doing the wrong things.
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You know, I was more interested
in boys and started getting into drugs,
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started smoking pot and started drinking alcohol. I remember waking up several mornings
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in the age of fourteen with a
bottle of Boon's farm, you know,
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clutched underneath my arm and drinking half
gallons of vodka with much older men and
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party and then live in that kind
of lifestyle when I was supposed to be
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going to school. So, as
far as an education, you can pretty
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much say I didn't get one because
I was a forgotten child and I quit
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school basically at the age of fifteen
for good. I was after the age
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of fifteen, I never attended school
again. How is this affected your ability
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to date? Well, I didn't
have good I didn't have a good role
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model as far as men go,
my dad. He wasn't a horrible man
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at all. I love my father
very much, as a matter of fact,
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but I didn't treat my mom the
way I wanted to be treated.
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I knew that the way that she
was being treated by him was not something
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that I would set my standards on. As far as I guess, I
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built my own personality somehow, somewhere, some friend or some household that I
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had seen showed me something that I
liked better than what I saw in my
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own home. As far as you
know, a role models go. As
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far as the relationship, my father
cheated on my mother. This was exposed
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and, you know, for the
family to know about, and I didn't
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like that. I know that my
mother was very hurt by that also.
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You know, I was called names
like, you know, works what,
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you know, things of that nature, when I when like sexy linger rag
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or, you know, something pretty
underwear and things like that were found in
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my drawers by my mother and and
by my father. So I was called
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ugly names from the very beginning because
I enjoyed nice longs right. So I
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don't know exactly how to answer that. As far as how my mother affected
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my how the how she affected my
dating life? That I think it was
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pretty horrific really, because I didn't
really have any good things to base it
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on, except for outside my home, you know, maybe at a friend's
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house, for somebody that I went
to try to get a church with and
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things like that. I knew that
my life, because I did get out
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of the house a little, was
not didn't seem as Nice as the people
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that I was choosing to hang out
with at the time before I went off
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stray with the drugs and alcohol.
Okay, how has this affected your career?
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Well, race, let's see,
a career. That would mean that
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I went to school, got an
education and actually made a career for myself.
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These things had not happen for me. So I would greatly say that
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this my you know, my choices
and the effects of my mother and her
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mental health disorder definitely affected my life
greatly for many, many, many years
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and I don't play victim. You
know I'm I've I've realized that. You
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know, we are who we are
and I've accepted my choices. Everybody has
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choices in these matters. But as
far as a career, I don't have
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one. To This Day, I'm
forty one. I don't have a career.
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I am a janitor and I enjoy
my job. I enjoy cleaning.
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It's like a therapeutic coping mechanism for
me and it has been for many years
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and I enjoy the job that I
do now, but it's not a what
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I would call a career. I
did get my ged when I was thirty
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three years old in a gl house
and they offered a ged program when I
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was locked up for a domestic violence
charge. I had put my hands on
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my boyfriend because I was very angry
about a lot of issues in my life
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that I had not dealt with healthy
and I did put my hands on him
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and I went to jail. Attained
my geed when I was thirty three years
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old and then after that I went
on to do some college. Took a
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course in medical assistance and yeah,
you know, I didn't. I realized
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after a couple of quarters of that
I wasn't interested in ever doing that job.
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So I quit because I really wasn't
doing it for me. I was
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doing it for my mother, because
she kept telling me how much I needed
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to have an education and how much
I needed to make something in myself.
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And you know, the things that
I would do and like, you know,
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serving and waiting tables and things like
that. You know, wasn't good
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choices and they weren't careers and I
needed to have a career. So I
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kind of fell into trying to please
mom and kind of fell out of me.
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So the whole going to college wasn't
really just wasn't that, at least
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that program wasn't for me. By
the time I try to go to college,
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like I said, I was thirty
three and had already messed up plenty
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of my life as far as a
criminal record and the things that I wanted
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to go to school for was the
pharmaceutical pharmaceutical technician, or I also,
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would you know, was interested in
the investigation unit, like for police,
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and I could not do either one
of those the board, would you know,
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I was told by the dean of
the school that the board would never
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certify me because of my history of, you know, misdemeanor crimes or whatever
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and as well as a Dui that
I had on my record. I um
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and that I would never be certified
for the board to be in a forrmalcy,
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that's going to be a tough blue. It really was. You know,
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they tell you your whole life you
could be anything you want to be
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and you know, you make some
mistakes, do your time. You know,
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I did my crime and I did
my time and I get out and
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try to go to college and,
you know, really try to get my
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life on the right track and do
something that I was definitely called for an
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interested in and was not allowed to
do it, and that really was a
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bummer. And so the only the
only field that would accept me was the
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medical field, and that's honestly the
reason that I signed up for it was
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it was the only field that would
accept my record and that I could get
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certified in any even if you'd finished, you think you could have gotten landed
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a job in it? That's why
I quit, because I knew how many
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people were you know, this particular
college that I went to was a more
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of a like a private college,
and so they did the play the job
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placement and things like that, and
that's the reason that I wanted to go
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to the school, because I knew
that at the end of it, they
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would be placing me at a job. But even that wasn't a guarantee,
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and they let me of that up
front because of the fact that I had
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so much on my record by this
point. And, you know, I
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saw so many, you know,
aspiring young women, you know, granted,
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I was so happy for them that
they were, you know, discovering
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themselves and doing the right thing with
their life, and I was very supportive
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and at the same time it was
a reality check, as in, you
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know, when I go to these
interviews and I'm up against, you know,
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somebody with a clean record that doesn't
have all these things on their record
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and they've got the same education as
me, you know, who do you
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think's going to get the job?
You know, they're younger. They are
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absolutely, you know, clean recorded. You know, they don't have a
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record in a criminal history. I
don't know. I just saw things for
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reality of what I was up against
and I really was not interested in the
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field in itself. I didn't it
wasn't for me enough. I mean,
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if you've got a really uphill down, you've got to really want it.
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Yeah, and I didn't. I
didn't want it bad enough. I wanted
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other things like family and, you
know, granted, I knew that I
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needed to have a career of some
sort, or at least just a job.
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I wasn't so much looking for a
career as I was just something to
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pay the bills, to keep a
roof over my head and to try to,
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at this point, gain testody and
things like that if my children back.
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So I wasn't really interested in having
a career that I wasn't interested in.
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Yeah, how has this impacted your
own mental field, mental health,
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with your mother? But Um,
I well, my mother is still on
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a daily basis. Impacts my mental
health not so much within the last three
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years, because within the last three
years I have come to know our savior
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and Lord Jesus Christ, and that
made all the difference in my life,
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and so I don't let her penetrate
my the word I'm looking for, but
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I don't let her in like I
used to. I don't let her upsetting
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Nice. Absolutely I set boundaries and
I'm okay with WHO I am today and
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I don't base my worth off of
definitely not off of what she thinks or
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has to say about me. So
I'm put up the the boundaries for good,
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healthy reasons for myself and my own
sanity. Okay, how has this
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affected your physical health, including like
headaches? Do you get headaches? Physical
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Health? I think well, for
the most part I'm physically healthy. I
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stay pretty active. I'm always having
to work, you know, for a
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living, and make sure that you
know, and I've never wanted to be
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obese. I guess maybe now I
kind of am. I don't know.
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I guess if you look at the
doctor's starts for my height, I'm only
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supposed to be a certain weight and
I think I'm thirty pounds over, which
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is obes I feel good in my
skin, though, and I think I
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may still be struggling with some addiction
issues, even though I'm a recovering addict
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on the illegal drugs I still struggle
with food addiction and so it's a real
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thing for me and even though I
like to eat healthy foods, my portion
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control sometimes can go up and down
and you know, so they're my weight
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patterns kind of go up and down
as well, and I think that that's
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something that needs to be, you
know, kind of looked at. I've
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looked in to going to like overreader
anonymous groups and things like that, because
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just because I'm not five hundred pounds
now or even less, not just be
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that st but even I'm not even
pushing like two fifty yet. But I
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know that if I continue some of
these patterns that I have in my life,
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that I could be and that my
health will become poor. You know,
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high cholesterol, you know, high
blood pressure. I went today because
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I donate plasma twice a week now, you know, for extra supplemental income.
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My protein was low and you know, I feel like I'm eating healthy
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and, you know, plenty of
protein and things like that. But so
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over all my health, I'm sure
you know, it's been affected. It's
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been affected big time. Everything and
everyone in my family was affected by my
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drug addiction. But I don't live
in the past. Today, I look
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forward to today. I Live a
little lot of joy in my heart and
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I've come a long way and I'm
happy about the progress that I've made.
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Whether they choose to realize, you
know that, or even give me the
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time of day to to see the
changes made, you know, we're all
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that's their decisions and they're entitled to
Him. But I keep a good,
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quote close group of friends around me
that keep me in good spirits, which
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probably makes my health like a lot
better than ever used to be. Yeah,
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what has been the most helpful tool
when dealing with your with your mother?
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Well, for me, my most
helpful tool was Jesus. Honestly,
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I can't say, I can't,
I can't say anything else, because anything
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else could just be alive. My
Savior, you know, saved my life,
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saved my mind, saved my my
memories. It just he just saved
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me. I never, I always
felt alone in the world and never felt
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like I really had anything or anyone
to lean on. I've had a lot
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of family members just let me down
and it was constant let downs and strangers
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were nicer to me than my own
blood most of my life. And so
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I found I found family in the
street and literally pretty much still feel that
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way for the most part. Like
my family is people that I've been known
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for years that are not any relation
to me at all. And Yeah,
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so my answer to that has to
be Jesus, Jesus, Jesus helps me
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cope the word and the study and
of the Bible and applying it to my
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life and, you know, turn
an the other cheek and not being,
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you know, learning how to love
without having to give all of myself to
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someone that I love. You know, it doesn't say we have to like
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everybody in that Bible. It just
says that we should love one another and,
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do you know, the right thing
at the right time for our fellow
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person. And I strongly lived by
that. I still live by that,
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even with people that hurt me.
It's harder to go through with family members
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and people that have hurt you,
but I still try to still try to
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live my life and upright manner,
no matter how they act or treat me.
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So Jesus really safe. HMM.
How is this affected your family?
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Well, my mother, she's she's
still added, you know, she's still
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strewn and strong thinking. You know, she's a very controlling and think she
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has a handle on things. She's
never handled anything in a healthy way.
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Never never sought counseling and I think
maybe the one time that she did she
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just made fun of the counselor and
basically said, you know, you're not
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writing my book, and it was
just a lot of negative things that I'd
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rather not repeat, but she doesn't
sleep. I had, like I said,
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I have an oldest sibling. She's
born and a half years older than
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me. She hasn't had the addiction
issues. Now. She went through some
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some things herself, a lot of
things herself, and she's had a great
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partner, her husband, that she
met when I don't know how she was.
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I think maybe he's sixteen, fifteen
or sixteen, because when they started
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dating. I know that he has
been somebody that I've been close to since
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I was thirteen and they've had a
great life together. You know, they've
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been through their hardships and things like
that, but they're still married to this
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day. Very happy for them.
They are thirty plus years of marriage now
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and five kids. My mother doesn't
speak to any of them. So,
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yeah, no reason for that.
None. My sister has done nothing to
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to not have a relationship with her
mother and as well as of those ground
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children because she chooses not to call
and check about, see about, doesn't
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care about, doesn't ask about,
doesn't support, doesn't know know them.
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And there's really no RHYMA reason why. Chryl is going to be back next
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week on Thursday at ten a M, but the rest of her story.
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Thanks for listening. You can always
follow us on your favorite podcast platform or
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00:23:48.839 --> 00:23:52.000
social media platform, as well as
come to Rachel and RECOVERYCOM. If you
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00:23:52.000 --> 00:23:59.720
have any questions, contact us either
through social media or on Rachel and Recovery
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00:23:59.720 --> 00:24:04.960
Dot Com and always, thanks for
listening. See you guys next time. Thanks.
