Episode Transcript
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Hi, this is Rachel and recover. We've got Scher Castle coming back and
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she's going to tell the rest of
her story. Thinks hows has impacted your
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finances? Well, I mean,
I guess my own choices, you know,
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being led astray at a young age
and not choosing to have a career,
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not having support and saying hey,
you know, you can go do
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this or you know, you know, let me help you get into a
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technical school or you know, how
about let's get that ged now that you're
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young, you know, and you
quit school. You know, like any
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kind of parental guidance, I just
really did not have and neither was I
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looking for it at the age that
I was. You know, I was
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very rebellious and going through my my
stuff at that age. But so,
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yeah, my education really very much
affective by that. What was the question
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to get? I'm sorry, I
think I got off right. Definitely,
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if I would have made better choices, I would have made better choices and
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my finances definitely be a little better, I would think, at this age
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and stage with my life. I
said, I'm forty one. I think
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I have like three hundred dollars in
a baking out right now and I'm living
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in a roommate situation, which I'm
grateful for, but I you know,
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I have dreams and aspirations and goals
now that I've set for myself and every
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day I just keep moving forward and
things get better. Currently driving my father's
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truck, because I did have a
car, but the engine blue, and
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so now I'm driving a one thousand
nine hundred and eighty six Toyo, the
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forerunner that my dad bought when I
was six years old and he still has
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it. was his heart, my
engine blue, and he's pretty particular about
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his things. He's always been kind
of materialistic and likes his things and works
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hard for his things. So granted, I understand, you know, not
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wanting to just give the things that
you work really hard for a way,
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but in this situation, dad's been
very supportive. Most of all my life.
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He saw that I was going down
the right road and trying to do
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the right thing. Dad has always
kind of been there. He's been pretty
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much my rock and somebody that I
could depend on just to answer the phone,
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to vent to, to talk to, to know, be that open
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door when I didn't have anywhere to
go to say hey, you know,
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I need a thousand dollars for whatever
court bees or something. You know,
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that was really life pressing and it
wouldn't be a gift that it would be
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alone. And he's he's gotten me
through. So as far as my finances,
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I'm still I'm struggling, like I'm
worse off than some twelve year olds.
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But uh, that's okay, I'm
okay. Would you also say like
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she's taking you to court a couple
times too, your mother, and that's
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absolutely hmm. She has. Well, I've taken her to court. She's
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taking me to court. It's been
a real battle. The end result,
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though, was that I couldn't keep
up. You know, my mother has
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money. She's married, she divorced
my father, married some man that worked
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in a great chemical company, which, you know, he made really good
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money and had a good living and
left everything to her when he did.
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So she's she ended up pretty,
pretty good on that and she worked as
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well, you know. So and
then she ends up man another guy when
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he died and that didn't work out. That was annalled. She doesn't like
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to talk about that, though.
He was an alcoholic and I think she
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anyways. The next guy that she
married was no better than the guy that
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she got an all from and in
fact even worse, but she still married
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to him and he takes care of
her financially. But yeah, we've I
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wasn't able to keep up financially in
the court because we all know, you
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know, lawyers like the pay and
they're not cheap and there's really no assistance
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in the child testody bracket of lawyers
because there's there's not a pro bono,
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you know, somebody just wanted to
help you to get and gain custody back
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of your children or to keep them
from being adopted, that there's a certain
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Prett you know, there's like lowincome
programs and stuff for criminal defense lawyers and
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things like that. You know,
when you don't have enough money for a
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lawyer, you get one appointed for
you and things like that, and the
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in the system of the Justice Law, you know, for criminal justice,
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but when it comes to family issues, there you know that doesn't happen.
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I looked and, you know,
I searched and I studied and I tried
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to find some financial help in this
matter. Never ever came up with enough.
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I did, however, fight her
with the money that I did make,
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you know, waiting tables every single
time that I had to a lawyer
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and everything all done, I had
just wasn't enough when it came down to
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it, because I was basically strong
armed right before. It was a three
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year port battle trying to keep adoption
from happening, and it just broke my
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heart because, you know, he
calls me and says, Hey, you
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know, you only five some dollars
and you know I'm a new partner in
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this firm and they're pressing me for
the money that you owe me. What
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can you give me? I'm going
to need you to give me it.
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I think I owed him ate,
actually, and he told me that he
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was going to need at least five
grant, you know, five thousand,
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before he was going to show back
up in a court room with me.
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Yeah, yeah, and this was
my children's lives that were on the line.
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So, granted, I still had
the same job that I had when
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we started the whole mess three years
prior and my financial statement didn't look any
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different. He took my case on
knowing how much money I made, and
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when it came to the end of
it, I was strong armed for money
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that I didn't have, and then
my children were adopted. I wasn't even
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notified of the day of court.
Yeah, very, very hard to get
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cases. Affected your parenting definitely greatly, because my mother just decides, you
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know, when to pull the plug. She does what she wants. She
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doesn't do I try to make schedules, I try to, you know,
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be dependable, I try to show
up, I try to say, Hey,
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what's the best thing for the kids
is for them to know when they're
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going to see their mother. You
know, the best thing to do is
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to you know, let's come up
with a steady schedule. You know,
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scheduling is good. Let's do this, let's make something, you know,
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consistent in their life. And I
was the drug addict, you know what
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I mean. Like I never went
around my children high. I did,
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you know, struggle with some rugg
issues longer than I care to really admit.
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But I mean, I'm totally honest, I don't have anything to hide
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and I'm happy that I learned the
things that I learned along the way.
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I don't regret my life. I
regret some decisions. Definitely definitely regret doing
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things that that made me decide to
ask someone that I barely knew, like
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my mother, to to help me
in a in a situation when I knew
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that I was not ready to quit
the drug that I had just started,
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I had relapsed, and asked her
to step in and help me with the
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children, and she did. She
stepped up. I couldn't even believe that
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really, because we didn't really have
a great relationship. We never had a
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great relationship and I didn't think that
she ever wanted to even be a mom
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because she wasn't a mom to me. And that was the worst that was
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one of the worst decisions I ever
made. And granted, you know,
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I wasn't in my best mindset because
I was high when I asked her to
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do these things, because I didn't
want to take my children down the road
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of, you know, instability and
whatever that I had already been through before
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did I knew that I could very
well go down again and I was trying
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to protect my children, but it
was definitely in the stake. Thank huge,
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huge. US A little bit more
about that, like about how howing
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down your kids relationship with their their
your mother in that like the impact on
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them. They're abused daily, emotionally, mentally, physically. It's very hard.
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It's very hard to know that my
kids are in a bad situation because
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I don't have enough money to pull
him out of it. My daughter has
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been molested by her husband and that's
a real hard pill to swallow and my
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mother has been told and she she
just refuses to to do anything about it.
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When I spoke with her about you
know, I was trying to be
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really sympathetic and empathetic in her situation
because I know that she didn't know and
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when my daughter told me what had
happened, I went to my mother with
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it and she's at first she believed
everything that she was hearing and felt bad
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about what had happened, and I
was like trying to give her time to
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figure out what she needed to do
about her marriage and whatever and whatnot and
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how she was going to figure out
how what to do with her life being
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hit the news like that. And
then my answer was like, I don't
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know why. I was surprised and
it just hurt, but I really wasn't
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shocked. When she told me that
she didn't have the finances to leave him.
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She chose the life sheet. She
tried to tell me that she by
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herself, she couldn't provide a lifestyle
that my children were already used to.
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So she just decided that ticket to
go back. I don't know. I
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don't even know how to describe what
she did, because she went from believing
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my daughter to not believing my daughter
and then turning the whole story around like
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like that. I made up a
story and then my daughter went along with
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it and that it wasn't even true. So where that comes from, I
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don't know. I can't understand any
of her decisions. It is greatly affected
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be in the way that I view
my mother, because my mother for many
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years has always talked, she's very
much talked bad about people and calling them
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perverts and trying to be over protective
of, you know, anybody that might
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be looking at children in a harmful
way. And then when she finds it,
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and I mean she talks about it
constantly, and what people like that
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need to do and where they need
to go and how they need to have
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their you know, genitals, whatever, you know, just ugly stuff,
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and she's like all about just the
nastiness of you know, for lack of
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a better word, but perverts,
you know what they need to be done
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with them. And then when she
finds out that one is a Predator,
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is living under her own roof.
That happens to you know. gave her
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a last name. That's her husband. It's like she forgot everything about who
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she says she was. I found
out my mother was the Digati crit was
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the epitome of sick, and I
mean sick that I knew she was sick,
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but I didn't know that she would
just allow something as horrible as that
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to continue to happen and know about
it and know what she was doing and
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continue to allow that man to be
around my children after she found out what
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happened, and it's here in our
words. Really, I don't know how
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to describe it without just I don't
know. I don't know what to tell
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you, Rachel, that my mother
is a very difficult person and there's no
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rhyme or reason. You never really
know what to expect with her, except
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for she's going to do it her
way, she's going to make you feel
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like you have a problem and not
her, and no one's going to stand
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in her way and tell her what
to do or how to live her life.
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And as long as she has enough
money to back it up, she
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hasn't been done wrong, she hasn't
been proven wrong. Yet and I don't
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have any family support and no one
that really cares about what's going on in
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that house. And I've been trying
and I've been trying and I've been trying
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and I've been fighting and I've been
researching and I've been doing work and I've
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been going to classes and I've been
getting certificates and I've been paying for courses
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and I've been doing everything on my
end that I could possibly do to try
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to get my children some help,
and no one is listening. That's best
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training in we're breaking a same time
very hard to deal with. Like I
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said, I keep joy in my
heart because Jesus Christ and he's put makes
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me get through this. He helps
me, he gives me hope, and
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I still have hope in my heart
that I am going to get up enough
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money to to overturn this adoption.
Like that's it's going to happen. I
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have faith. I had strong,
firm faith in God, knowing that the
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God that I serve knows that what's
going on under that roof is wrong.
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It's not okay. It's not just
the sexual abuse, it is every day.
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It's mental, it's physical, it's
it's just a lot and I just
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want someone to hear my story,
to help my children and I'm I'm just
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doing everything I can. End Every
day. I just started a parenting class
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yesterday electively. I'm taking all these
classes and horses and whatnot because that's what
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I can do. I'm working three
jobs right now and trying to take these
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classes. I got a recovery meetings
twice a week, you know, to
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keep my sobriety, and I'm just
a really busy woman, really busy woman
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just trying to work really hard to
bring her children home and get them out
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of a very negative, manipulative,
abusive environment. Yeah's heartbreaking and it's really
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hard to wager kids go through that
and not be able to do anything about
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it. Yeah, it's really hard
to watch him. But you know,
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the worst part, worse than watching
it, was the not knowing when she
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cuts off all contact, because she
does that too, and then it's I
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don't have any rights, I can't
get near them. I've gone to jail
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twice trying to see my children.
Oh, it's it's been. It's been
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a long, hard road with this
woman. There's a point in time where
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we got along. We were trying
to get along and do and have regular
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visits and stuff like I was talking
about. And they went out of town
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and asked they hired a babysitter.
Didn't tell me that they were leaving to
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go out of town for the weekend. Hired a babysitter to keep my children
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instead of calling me and asking me
to come sit. You know what,
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would you like to come stay with
children this weekend at you know, I
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would to stay there at their home
whatever, just like the babysitter did,
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but they would rather hire a stranger. Then then that I went over there
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are just you know, I showed
up and this is how I found out,
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because I tried to see my children
like normal and there was a babysitter
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there and they were out of town
and they called the police because I was
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there. They asked me to leave
and get out of their house and there
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was no drug you know, there
was nothing. You know, I think
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I was cleaned for like two years
at this point. There was no drug
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involvement, there was nothing harmful,
there was no bad juju going on.
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Other than that the norm of her
awkward personality going on. It was absolutely
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everything was kind of on the up
and up and my mother calls the police
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only because she finds out I'm at
a house and she's not in town.
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I have to set up in schedule
appointments to go visit and my mother because
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I can't just go over there.
I can't just show up and most of
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the time when I call her she
doesn't call back. If I text her,
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she oh, and there'sn't best.
The biggest thing was I can I
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cannot call her house. Heaven,
every number that I've ever had has been
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blocked. I cannot call their house
period. I have never called their house
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late, I have never called their
house and been threatening any manner. I
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have never been a nuisance on the
telephone, you know, like there's absolutely
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no one, one reason ever that
I should not be able to call the
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House that my mother and my children
lived in. But my mother blocks my
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number and I'm, you know,
changed my numbers some times every two years.
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Every number that I get has because, I mean she the first thing
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she does is block it from calling
my house. I have to reach her
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by her cell phone, which she
does not keep on her which it might
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be two or three days before she
checked it, and there's no constant communication.
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I think she disassociates absolutely, like, because will you like have these
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kind of conversations and then confront about
it and then she like, oh,
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that never happened, or yes,
and she makes things up. Yes,
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she's very delusional in her own things
that happen in her mind are not I
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mean, I don't even know where
she gets the stuff from. You know,
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she'll tell me that I said things
that I've never said, nor are
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not even of my character, much
less something that would ever come out of
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my mouth and into just yes,
she's very she's delusional. I don't know
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where she gets some of the things
that she says. Conversations that we've had
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her like a way that she interpreted, you know, in this reads conversations
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or like moments. I don't know. Yeah, what advice would you give
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children of borderline parents? Run?
No, no, yeah, I try
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to make light in situations because this
is a very serious disease of the mind
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and it's it's just it's really very
hard to deal with. It can if
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you don't have the right therapy and
the right positive mindset, in cheerful heart,
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a lot of people could end up
just really going down a really bad
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road, much worse than drug addiction, you know, probably suicide and things
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that this nature. So my advice
for any that would have borderline personality mother
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is to try to get your mother
some counseling, try to whatever it takes,
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get her to somebody, to a
doctor somewhere, and try to encourage
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her to take medication, if she
needs medications. Try to encourage her to,
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you know, get help. Try
to help her to understand that she
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has a problem, because most borderlines
then she's not going to even ever acknowledge
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that there's anything wrong with her,
and that's it's very upsetting. You have
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to know that you have a problem
before you can even try to fix it.
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So my advice to anybody dealing with
this is, you know, find
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yourself some good doctors and watch how
you word because your words mean everything,
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especially to a borderline. You have
to kind of tiptoe and sugarcoat things a
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lot of times when you really just
don't feel like it, when you really
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don't want to, because they're really
not nice, but their words most of
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the time. But you can't fight
that fire with fire. You have to
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fight that fire with some water or
salt or whatever kind of fire it is.
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You know, you have to extinguish
it somehow, and you have to
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be the bigger person. You have
to absolutely eat your own pride, you
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know, and prides never get to
have. So you just whatever you have
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in you. That can be nice
and understanding and calm and soothing and loving,
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love with all your heart. Only
way I've made it. Last question.
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How is this impacted your faith?
Well, you know, God's timing
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is God's timing. I have always
wanted to believe in something. I searched
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for something to believe in my whole
life. My parents, neither one of
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them or believers. They say they
were, but nothing that they ever did
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or did or taught or there I
didn't get. We didn't go to church,
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we didn't speak of Churchs, we
didn't pray in my house. There
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was nothing of God around what I
grew up in. But they both said
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they believe in God and then when
you talk about it they don't want to
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talk about it. I just don't
question me. I believe in God.
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So my faith today is built on
everything that I've been through and knowing who
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protected me, knowing that I wouldn't
have any love in me that wasn't and
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stealed by him, because I I
just wasn't raised right and I didn't get
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love and compassion and understanding and support. So I know that, you know,
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there was something else. It was
out there that was protecting me,
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that was loving me, that was
guiding me, that was making me this
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person that was understanding and compassionate and
loving, because I did not have role
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models for that. And so my
faith, you know, had swayed most
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of the time, even though I
wanted to believe in something, I just
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couldn't if I couldn't touch it,
I couldn't see it, if it wasn't,
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you know, proven fect, you
know, something I could put my
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hands on. You know, it
was just very hard for me to believe
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until one day it just I can't
explain it and other people that, you
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know, believe in God and have
been through things that I've been through or
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not been through the things that I've
been through. But you know, it's
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just kind of something that happens where
you know, God will release something inside
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of you that says, Hey,
it's your time to know who I am,
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and he won't let up and he
comes and he just came into my
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00:26:48.599 --> 00:26:53.319
life in such a major way and
taught me so many things through the word
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in the Bible and I just stand
on it. You know, I stand
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00:26:59.759 --> 00:27:07.039
on on on solid, firm foundation
of God and I know that he's real
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and I know what he does for
me and I know what he's always done
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00:27:11.599 --> 00:27:17.480
for everyone and I just thank God
every day for Jesus sacrifice and his life
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and his death and his resurrection.
That was just proven beyond everything of you
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know, the greatest love of all
and we all want to be loved and
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he was the perfect example of love
and I just I just say, hold
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on, you know, hold on
and there is there is God, and
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God is real and I mean he's
not. So there's that share of for
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00:27:52.160 --> 00:27:59.440
being on our show and thanks for
listening, guys. This will be aired
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00:28:00.920 --> 00:28:07.200
in two parts, so tune in
on to Thursday mornings at ten am and
302
00:28:07.400 --> 00:28:10.839
thanks for listening. Always, find
us on your favorite podcast or social media
303
00:28:10.880 --> 00:28:15.000
platform and if you have any questions
or want to learn any more about Rachel
304
00:28:15.039 --> 00:28:22.039
and recovery, go to Rachel Own
Recoverycom and ask questions or just look around.
305
00:28:22.079 --> 00:28:26.759
And if you want to support us, there's we're on buy me a
306
00:28:26.799 --> 00:28:34.480
cup of coffee and on platform and
several other t shirts and swag that you
307
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can get. Thanks for listening here
from you guys next week at Thursday at
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00:28:41.799 --> 00:28:57.759
ten am. Thanks.
